Friday, July 18, 2003
my heart
I've made some mistakes. I've exercsed my right to be human . I've done some semi fuc*ed up (ok, fucked up?) things to undeserving people. You know who you are, and I apologize. Ok?
Sorry... just had to put that out there.
Why is it that when you're at your loneliest, all of the people you want to be around are at their "most unavailable" times? This sucks. I'm at the point where I'm craving human interaction so bad I'm tempted to go to kareoke again. Yeha.. did I mention the first time I went? No? Heh. There's a reason. Scary shit.
But yeah, do you see what time it is? Do you see where I am? Exactly.
"Friends' are friends if they let you post drunk."
Sorry...bored...lonely...that's when I think of shit like that. There's so much I want to talk about. The Kobe Bryant drama, my associational drama, the raggedy behind rabbit, sermons (the preacher) at sunrise, etc. Heh heh. But nah, not inspired. I'm not feeling like myself right now. This isn't my life. It's just my made for t.v. movie... they had to make some things a little more depressing to keep you wathcing...
I'll edit the spelling crap later. Hope you all aren't reading this now. I have to live my life vicariously through someone.
.: posted by Princess Portia 9:35 PM
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
light-bright-light-bright... turn on the magic of colored lights!
I've never really been one to sample... especially from conversations, so I'll just get my interpolation on. Don't want folks to start calling me P-Diddy (no pun intended re: the initials) because I'm robbnig staight up hits. But yeah, back to the manuscript...
I've realized that much of the growth I thought had occured since the drama with the devil was inexistent. There might have been a little... but I've noticed that a lot of my actions show just how little.
.: posted by Princess Portia 2:06 PM
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
pain for a good cause
So apparently I've been slacking on the writing tip... my apologiesnot.
I'm getting the rest of my wisdom teeth (the impacted, evil ones) removed tomorrow morning. Fun, fun, fun! This would be a good time to buy be a get well gift...
.: posted by Princess Portia 5:00 PM
Thursday, July 03, 2003
is Mr. Tivity in the house? Posi Tivitiy?
*The most accurate measure of our worth is how much we value ourselves. When we value who we are, we are sure to draw to us others who value us as much. When we are needy, deficient, lacking confidence and self-esteem, we will find ourselves in situations and among people that reinfornce those views. The first step in building relationships is learning to value who we are. We cannot convince others how wonderful and marvelous we are if we do not believe it. We must first convince ourselves. If we repeatedly find ourselves in situations where we are treated badly, we are responsible, not the other person. When we find ourselves in situations where we do not feel wanted, we must have the courage and confidence to leave. Our sense of worth must first come from within. When we have that, we can expect those in our relationships will value us as well.
The wealth of my spirit is the light of my world.
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The passion for setting people right is, itself, a dis-ease with the self.
-Marianne Moore
Many of us have a need to be right. Usually this stems from the inner cry, "There is something wrong with me." We then set out to make ourselves right by making someone else wrong. We may plan what to say. We may canvass others to elicit their support. In some cases, we simply attack, letting others know how wrong they are and why we think so. Self-righteousness is an affliction. It is an inner desire to be accepted and valued. It is a camouflage for feelings of worthlessness. No matter how wrong another may be, it will never make you right. Self-value, self-worth and self-esteem cannot come as a result of being the only right one. It must come from knowing who you are from within and feeling good about it. Europeans being wrong will not make African people right. Women being wrong will not make men right. White people being wrong will not make Native Americans right. We must get right with ourselves. Once we do, we will have so much to do, we will not have time to keep track of who is wrong.
I'm okay, you're okay, now let's get to work.
*********************
Your divine mate is seeking you and you can only meet divinely.
- Jewel Diamond-Taylor
Your divine mate already exists. You are being prepared to meet one another. Through your many growth experiences, and the purpose that is etched in your soul, the day will come when you will meet face-to-face. It will be crystal clear that this person is the right one. She will not need fixing. He will not require work. You will be touched in a place in your heart and soul that, until that divine day, has been untouched. As you allow yourself to accept the reality that your divine mate exists, it will unfold as a reality to you. You can stop looking, forcing and trying to make it happen. You need not fret or worry or allow yourself to be lonely, because your divine mate already exists. You can stop looking out for him or her. instead, spend your time looking within. When you get to the place in yourself that is peaceful divine love, your true mate will be revealed.
My divine mate will be revealed to me in the divine way at the divine time.
*********************
Ok, now everyone go drink some Chai tea with vanilla rice dream stirred in, nibble on an Alessi sesame breadstick, and enjoy your weekend. Be safe, be happy, and behave ;)
.: posted by Princess Portia 5:16 PM
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
your windsong stays on my mind
Remember that cheesy commercial?
I have to make this brief since I'm supposed to be studying. My Racism in American Society class looks like it's going to be great. We have three books, and we got to buy them from Books for Thought, an African American bookstore. I think that's awesome, hella business (about 400 purchases of $55.00) for them. I didn't even complain about it being 3 books. Tuesday we watched the first part of the PBS Special, Race: The Power of An Illusion. Interesting stuff. Now if I had my Tivo I could record it and watch it again. Today I'm reading Two Nations: Black & White, Separate, Hostile, Unequal. So far, so good. I'll get back to you on that though.
So I was talking to my best friend about my current frustration, and her theory is...nevermind. Too funny to share.
I've decided it's time for a new job, this place makes me nauseous now, and that can't be tolerated. I think I want to go back to working night shift again... I need a break from dealing with old folks all day. I need some like-minded interaction. As well, aside from night activities, this will make it (somewhat) possible for me to be a little more sociable/involved at school.
I am seriously feening for some affection. No, not leg humping or random sketch's luurvin'. My needs are very specific, thank you very much. Ok, enough about that...
THREE DAY WEEKEND! Woohoo! I don't know what I'm doing. There's a foam party tonight at a club in Ybor City, and I've always wanted to do the freaky foam thing, but I have class at 8 a.m. I could rationalize and remind myself that tomorrow is my Friday, so it's ok to be tired, or I could be the boring, "you wouldn’t know I was a college student" Portia and just stay home and sleep. Hmm... what to do, what to do. I love having people around that have the "you only live once mentality." Hello? Hello? Where are you? Someone help me rationalize! Hello?
.: posted by Princess Portia 2:35 PM
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