Saturday, April 26, 2003
song: I move on, The (newer) Chicago Soundtrack
Hi. I'm Portia. Not SuperPortia. Not Superwoman. And I'm ok with that. That is all. Enjoy your weekend! Thanks to some wonderful encouragement, I'll try my darndest to enjoy mine.
.: posted by Princess Portia 12:00 AM
Friday, April 25, 2003
better now?
I made it to work (darn). It's really nice outside, kind of windy, kind of "cool."
You know, I suck at staying on that neutral ground that keeps a "discussion" from turning into an argument. I'm too damn condescending, I'm too sensitive, and I'm way too defensive. This is going to be the death of me and all of my associations. I play the constructive discussion role well; I'm fully equipped with all of my PC/anger management responses, but I still take every freaking thing to heart. Even when I know I shouldn't. It is really rather passive aggresive. FOr example, I'm the type of person that will act as if an issue is resolved, but when you try to hug me or something to "seal the make-up deal" I can't do it.
*at least I finally see how freaking petty it is. I'm sorry. I'm a work in progress.
.: posted by Princess Portia 2:37 PM
edited to add:
Ok, so right before I posted that last comment, I checked ot make sure my phone actually was off (I'm dealing with Sprint, these are things you gotta do, man). So... being the OCD person I am, I just tried again. WHY IS MY PHONE ON NOW? I can't even be relieved about it, because I still won't be able to go back to sleep. GRRR!
.: posted by Princess Portia 5:07 AM
I.HATE.SPRINT.
I'm LIVID!
Who sends text messages at 4:48 a.m. to let someone know that their service has been cut off? First of all, my payment was due on the 19th. I did an online check on the 15th. THE.CHECK.HAS.CLEARED.MY.ACCOUNT. (cleared on the 18th!) f*#_@tards. And to make matters worse, the assheads aren't even open at 4:48 a.m. so that you can resolve your issue. What's up with that? What's the damn point of sending notifications that you know are going to inspire your customers tocall in to customer service at a time when customer service isn't open? Ugh! So of course now my sick ass can't get back to sleep. (I had 2 hours and 45 minutes left!) Ugh. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. 4:48 a.m.!. Way to mess up my day before the sun even rises, huh?
.: posted by Princess Portia 4:59 AM
Thursday, April 24, 2003
can you hear me?
Because I sure can't hear myself! I sound ridiculous. like someone stuck olives in both of my nostrils. I'm that stuffy. So I don't know what I'm going to take next semester. The Summer is pretty easy, I'll basically just take whatever is left. (It sucks, I know, but I had a step-child registration date). But the Fall is another story completely.
Have you ever awaken and felt like you lost something you had the night before? Yes, I lost my virginitry. HAHAHA! (I can't even spell it, that's a shame, yo). No, seriously, have you? I had that feeling today... doesn't feel so good. So yeah, all this morning I had this feeling of impending doom... is this what anxiety feels like? I didn't feel like out of control or anything, I just felt like I was about to lose something, or had already lost it. Money? I doubt it, don't have any to lose. (Sad, but true these days... everythign goes to the Ukraine fund). But yeah, something just felt "not right." I hate that feeling.
Moving right along... so here are my "maybes" for this semester:
*Racism in Amercan Society (3) Meets Wednesday nights from 6-850
*Expository Writing (3) Meets TR 9:30-10:45 or Persuasion (3) (meets @ the same time)
*Great Literature of the World (3) TR 11-12:15 (problem: this is taught by my current Late SHakespeare professor, who I also had for early Shakespeare this past fall. I'm all for sticking with someone whose style you're familair with, but is this a bit much?) or Issues in Feminism (3) (I signed up for this in the fall and it was cancelled, so I dont know...) or Feminist Ethics (3) (see a trend here? I said I would take at least 1 Feminism class while @ USF, so there ya go!)
There's more, but I lost my train of thought (read: can't find the paper I wrote them on.) Back to the Class schedule search screen!
.: posted by Princess Portia 4:38 PM
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
distractions
...In the East doth my pleasure lie... [Antony & Cleopatra]
I'm supposed to be working on a research paper on cloning. (All I actually have left to do is my works Cited page...time to find some, ay?) But my mind is racing with tons of thoughts that don't relate to cloning. If I never have to type that word again it'll be too soon.
Today was a bad day. I feel like crap, my head is hella congested, and I'm a procrastinator in a world of other procrastinators. And that sucks. Someone has to be a go-getter. I would assume the title, but circumstances don't always allow me to go-get what needs to be gotten. Feel me? Didn't expect you to.
I just feel so out of control of some aspects of my life. There's no need to break it down into specifics, just take my word for it. But yeah, it sucks. There's so much potential for growth in my life, but there's always something stunting that growth. Whether it is money, space, age, distance, time, motivation, or whatever. It's always something. I hate having to sit back and just let things happen, or "fall into place." I try to maintain the optimistic viewpoint that everything in my like definitely will fall in to place, but I don't know. I guess its impatience. Take school for example, I'm totally aware of the fact that to do what I want career-wise, it's imperative that I finish my post-secondary education. Which means I just have to sit back and study. I must humble myself and acknowledge that not only do I have a lot to learn, but that I actually need this knowledge. It sucks, but to achieve my long-term goals I have to pay my dues. This applies to everything. Thus increasing the suckage.
I have more to say on this, but I have to get back to work on this paper... gotta stay focused (auughhh!)
.: posted by Princess Portia 11:09 PM
Monday, April 21, 2003
for real this time...
I hear folks are having drama with blogger since Big Daddy Google took over, maybe if I posted more I could relate.
This morning I decided to start posting before I go through my regular web routine. Aren't you proud? You should be. I feel like I'm about to be sick. I think it might be from taking care of Livi while she was sick. If that's the case, then it's ok; it was for a good cause.
Speaking of good causes, (gotta love that segway, huh?) my wishlist has been updated. I don't want to hear any smart comments about it looking more and more like a wedding registry at target or something either... you all know I'm "domestic." So yeah, as of today there are only 2 months until my birthday. So many other wonderful things are happening in June (and there are still some unconfirmed possibilities that will be awesome if everything falls into place) though, so I'm not even sweating my birthday... just yet. I told my mom and my sister that I want earrings like these ... they laughed at me! My theory is, it's my 21st birthday, I didn't have a sweet 16 or 18th birthday party. I didn't even have a graduation party! So if they don't want me to be some bitter old lady with resentments out the wazoo (wha?), this would be a good gift. Give me some credit, I tried. Seriously though, I wouldn't expect something like that from them. I'll buy them myself. I think I would appreciate them more that way. I don't know if it’s an age thing, or a female thing, or what, but for like the past year I've been really into jewelry. I haven't bought much, but it sure is pretty to look at. Hee Hee! Ok, this post is starting to sound like it belongs to someone else.
Moving right along...
I've got some housekeeping issues to deal with.
*obnoxious emails, voicemails, etc.
If we've had a conversation before, this does not give you the right to leave me presumptuous, rude, smart-ass messages. And I mean through any means of communication. When you find yourself fixing your mouth to say "oh you can't call me?" or "oh, you must have gone and settled down, blah, blah, blah..." or "you act like you ain't got time for..." or "I've called you [insert number] times," or anything that resembles any of these things, Just.Hang.Up. If you've called/emailed/text messaged/smoke signaled/IM'ed/etc. me multiple times without a response, ask yourself, "Why isn't Portia responding to me?" If you're still drawing a blank, dig deeper. Ask yourself "has Portia ever responded to me?" Still not getting it? Ok, try this one: "If/Whenever I do/did speak to Portia, does she always seem to be busy or uninterested in the conversation?" Ohh! And one more "Why would Portia want to be bothered with someone like me, I [insert issue, bad habit, bad smell, dental issue, poor English skills, etc.]?" If you still don't get it, you're just dumb, and that's probably why you're being ignored.
I don't know why people think its cute to leave the "oh, you must have your man over there," messages. These messages imply that I deal with the person that left the message only when "my man," is unavailable. Which means they are further assuming that 1.)I'm not single 2.) they can meet some sort of need or fill some sort of void that "my man" can't. Pshaw! As if! So basically, these are the people that give themselves entirely too much credit. It cracks me up when people that I've never given the time of day use this tone on me. I'm always doing social exfoliations, single or attached. I just don't care to be bothered with some people. And it’s scary when people you don't know come at you like they know you... better yet, like you owe them something. I guess that’s my fault though. Damn this blog.
I hope that doesn't sound mean. Just kidding, I don't care.
Let's see... what else has been happening? I think this is the last week of classes. I guess I should probably find out for sure, but everything is kind of gray, so I'm not sure. Have you ever had to deal with someone that was so nice to you... to everyone, but you couldn't stand him or her? There's this chick at work, we'll call her California, she's polite, friendly, does her job, sends out grammatically correct emails to users, brings in (digestible) baked goods, but she bugs the hell out of me! I don’t' know, maybe I'm just evil or something, but she irks me. Maybe it’s the banana clips she wears in her hair. Nah, I'm not that shallow. It isn't the accent, because Casey has the Cali thing going on, and it doesn't bother me. Maybe it’s her sense of humor. It's too light and fluffy... no sarcasm or irony. More like "why did the saint cross the road?" "why" "To go to the florist and buy roses for the sad nun." Oook. Hmm... I can tell this is going to be a long week. I need the next 19 or so days to go really fast, then time can stand still on the 9th-12/13/14.
I have so much more to say, but other, more important (sorry!) things require my attention right now...have a great day!
*I'm going to try to do some new things on the site this week. Stay tuned!
.: posted by Princess Portia 9:00 AM
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
reality
Yes, I know I'm the world's most inconsistent poster... so shoot me. A lot... and I mean a lot has been going on lately. The spring semester is almost over, and it’s almost time for my trip to the Ukraine? Wanna donate some scrillaz? Email me.
Writers block stinks. Well... it isn't a full-on writers block, I just cant seem to write about anything important, despite the fact that these important things I need/want to write about are practically all that’s on my mind. Grrr. I don't know what it is, either. As soon as I come here to post, all of my words escape me. Hmm.
Well I just wanted to let anyone that cares know that all is well in my world. Better than well. Great. There are a few things that need to be confirmed before everything is gravy, but I'm not complaining. Everything will fall into place... I hope.
I know I always say it, and I never follow through, but I’ll be back later to finish, I've got a lot to share with you!
*Rhyming unintentional.
.: posted by Princess Portia 2:22 PM
Monday, April 07, 2003
song: faith evans...pick one...
mood: vacant
Ever encountered something so wonderful it almost seemed like a bad thing? No? Ok, then shut up.
I'm sorry it has been so long since my last post... I've been busy with school, work, and stuff like that there.
.: posted by Princess Portia 12:17 AM
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
swing, swing, swing!
So it's business as usual in my world. Back to work, back to school. Ho, hum. At least it's Tuesday. I don't know what I would do if today was Monday... I'm feeling melancholy enough as it is...
I'm looking forward to this weekend. Not quite sure why yet, but I'm sure something interesting is bound to happen.
Losing my train of thought... I'll finish later.
.: posted by Princess Portia 4:00 PM
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