Friday, February 28, 2003
Consistently Inconsistent
I think I slept, but I feel like I didn't. It's another dark, rainy, day here, and I should be home in bed. If I would have known at the beginning of the week, what I know now, I wouldn't have come in Thursday and Friday instead of Monday and Tuesday. Grr. Stupid hindsight. I would have loved to sleep in...
I wanted to post about all of the lovely inconsistencies in my world, but I'm too tired. That's a shame when you're too tired to type. I should have gone to yoga yesterday, but no, Miss Portia forgot.
12:36 p.m...
I started this post at like 9 this morning..I was going to wait until I was finsihed posting..but then I'll forget and not post anything...so I will no longer hold this pointless post hostage...
.: posted by Princess Portia 12:37 PM
Thursday, February 27, 2003
"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." -From the whiteboard of some girl I work with.
.: posted by Princess Portia 6:00 PM
rainy day...
I can't wait to go home... get me out of this place...
8:46 p.m.
Ok...I'm home, but not for long. Whoo that Maxwell Sumthin' Sumthin' Mellow Smooth Mix is lovely. That's a great song to listen to on the way home from work. Top that off with some D'Angelo "Untitled" as your cell phone ring, and you're just straight calmed down. I hate when I get so busy that I don't eat. I really, really, do. I don't want to be "that girl." Not that I'm anywhere near "that girl" status...but still. You know what I'm saying. So I think today was a bad day, but as I sit here and listen to my lovely Kazaa "Should be Scrumping Songs" playlist, I can't remember. I wonder if my mom cooked...I have to pass by there on the way to my destination...hmmm. So I'm tring reall yhard not to think about this stupid papaer I have to spend my weekend working on...but I printed out so many copies of the essay question that it's everywhere! In my bathroom, on the fridge, at my computer, at my desk at work...everywhere. Yes...Portia loves the trees....really, I do. Hey listen...never make a dirty martini with sweet vermouth. It's just wrong. It tastes like those evil, disgusting, rancid, butter pickles. I hate those things with a passionless passion. Who eats those? Pickles are supposed to be deliciously tangy and tart...not like they were rolled around in margarine with sugar on top. Blech. Strange.
Ok...I'm off to shower then go drive around in circles...or soemthing closely resembling it. Congrats on making it through this absolutely pointless post. I'll correct the typos manana. Lates!
.: posted by Princess Portia 5:27 PM
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
really now...
I don't know if I find myself having so much to post about now because subconsciously I'm trying to make up for being a scrub and not posting for a while or what, but here I am again. During my absence there were a lot of interesting things that I forgot to post about. One is that I met Emeril. Don't get too thrilled...it wasn't all that I expected, and the food at his new restaurant Tchoup-Chop sucks. (Though I love the name!) So that's all I have to say about that. I just figured that it was something I should let folks in on, since my love for the man has been mentioned on multiple occasions. Anyhoo...that's all I have to say on that right there. The day is improving as time passes. Before I know it, it'll be 6, and I can vacate these premises. At least my building. The treadmill is calling me... I've got to go see what it wants. So my raise isn't mountain moving, but I didn't know what to expect, so it's cool. (2.5%). What's that? Like 4 cents? Ha! But I get another one in 6 months, and what I'm making now is enough to feed da needy...so it's all good in my quasi-hood.
I'm sure I'll be back...time has slowed down again...
.: posted by Princess Portia 2:46 PM
sleepyhead
I just realized the potential for a misinterpretation of my title. And you know what? I don't care. Ha!
*Yawn... I'm tired today. I never knew that not working could be so freaking exhausting.
My house is officially completely clean and organized. It's amazing what actually drove me to do it. The little things in which I find inspiration always amaze me. Well...not little, but you know... seemingly insignificant. I'm kind of having anxiety regarding this weekend. I feel like there's something I'm supposed to be doing (besides working on a 7 page personal response essay), but I can't seem to think of what it is. I've run out of calendar pages in my planner, so I'm a total mess. I have no sense of daily direction without my tasks written down in pretty colors. I wonder how many appointments I've missed. I need a secretary. And a maid. I've been seriously considering having a maid come in bi-weekly or monthly just to take care of everything I've overlooked. That'll be like having my mom come clean up though... I'll feel like I need to hide all of the paraphernalia. (And I’m not talking drugs, girl!) Seriously though, I would just hate for someone (besides Tiffany or a family member) to see my mess.
So I find out how much of a raise I get today. Humph. I'm not going to get all enthused, but hopefully it'll be a noticeable increase...Penelope needs a new pair of shoes. Speaking of Penelope, she's 2 now, so I can let her get some and make me lots of cute Chihuahua babies. I'm afraid that it will change her temperament though, and I'd hate her to turn into the stereotypical aaangry Chihuahua. And I'm too lazy (and cheap) to go through the whole stud services, breeding, and taking care of a pregnant dog drama.
Speaking of drama... I have none right now. Imagine that! (Let's see how long this lasts). I keep running into people I would rather not, and my personal trainer refuses to be my impersonal trainer...so I've just been doing whatever at the gym to avoid him. Seriously though, he's a cool cat, but I would rather have him as a friend. I can't carry all of the luggage he comes with. And people think I have issues.
On a completely different note...I think I'm going to have to start morphing into a bland, sugarcoating, politically-correct-sense-of-humor-having being. Things that I say that are clearly meant as jokes aren't always interpreted that way. And I'm not talking about misinterpretations from strangers, I'm referring to those close to me, that have been around me for ages, and know how I operate. Either my words become harsher after I say them too often, or people become more sensitive as time passes. I don't know, but to avoid the confusion, I'll just bite my tongue. It'll be easier than having to apologize repeatedly for someone's misinterpretation of something I said. (I wouldn't apologize for actually saying it, since it was never meant to do harm). But yeah, that sucks just a little bit. Oh well, you do what you have to do to avoid hurting those you love.
On a lighter note, my reality television addiction must be handled. My thumbs hurt from pressing "redial" on my home phone, and "talk, speaker, and end" on my cell phone for two hours straight. Something just isn't right about that.
I was in such a good mood this morning, now I'm a little perturbed. Not angry, not sad, not mad, not annoyed, not pissy just perturbed. Better yet, mildly irked. I wonder if I've ever come with the pseudo-drama first thing in the morning. Probably...but I think when I did it, my intention truly was to throw off someone's day. In general, when I'm down, I don't feel the need to bring someone down with me. Maybe it's unhealthy suppression, but if someone I cared about said/did something that bothered me, that deep down I know it only bothered me because I was having a moment of self doubt, I would wait an evaluate those bad feelings...do some personal inventory, make sure that it really was them and not me before I brought it up to them. You know, why throw off their good mood because of a moment of self-doubt? Granted, if this person is close to you, of course they'll understand and want to be supportive and encourage you in your moment of self-doubt, but I just thin kit's kind of selfish. This is a broad analogy, but it's like telling a guy you think you're pregnant before you've even taken a pregnancy test to confirm/deny your suspicions. That's causing unnecessary stress/anxiety for them, before the source of it is even confirmed. Feel me? This is not to say that you shouldn't be comfortable expressing your "concerns" with those close to you, but if those concerns (or potential concerns) involve things that you know would effect them, look within (or wherever you need to look , depending on the issue) to make sure that the issue truly is an issue. And if you know the person your concerns potentially involve well, evaluate the issue using pre-established facts. If you know that doing something such as that which is referenced in the concern would be completely out of character when it comes to you, think about that.
I know this is all probably sounding really strange and vague, but just had to vent. It sucks to be misunderstood by those that you think understand you best. Such is life, and this is truly a miniscule issue that I should not blow out of proportion. So with that, I'm spent.
.: posted by Princess Portia 9:23 AM
Monday, February 24, 2003
when you do...
You know who I absolutely adore? The little EBAY man! (From the commercials). His tour je'te's (sp?) are awesome. Little dancing men make me smile. Did I post this weekend? It's sad that I have to ask. I'm getting old man...the memory is seriously fading. My buddy katie made a cute quiz...check it out: Good times man, good times. Today was a quiet day. Only because I stayed home. I didn't get much sleep last night, (Sunday), so I got off (heh) to a slow start today. You won't hear me complain though. It was all for a good...very good...great..cause. Whoooo... yeah it was. So tonight I'll probably just take a meditation bath and go to bed. I don't know if I'm hungry... if I do end up eating...george forman it is!
So I didn't watch all of the Grammys (remember, I was out contributing to this good cause...[wink, wink...nudge, nudge]) but I see that my girl Norah Jones racked up. And India.Arie won an award that she definitely deserved. I sometimes get a little disgruntled when I think of the state of musical affairs in our world today, so this was very refreshing. Refreshing...I think that was the word of the month, I've been saying it a lot lately. Hmm. Interesting. I swear, there's a certain time of year when everyone that has ever called themselves "loving me" suddenly remembers my phone number and starts calling. I mean... I don't care, considering I'm referring to people that don't make my skin crawl w/the very thought of them. These are the ok folk. But still, it always catches me off guard. It's like blindsiding a QB. Or maybe not...whatevs...it had a nice ring to it. I've started regretting that I renewed for a year, rather than another 7 months. I need a bigger kitchen, and I've seen so many lovely apartments. But then I remember lavish, lovely kitchens equal exorbitant rent prices. Priorities, man. I've been so sleepy all day, so it's somewhat strange to me that now I'm just kind of laid-back, but not exhuasted like I was feeling in class. The wonders never cease. I have a test in my sex class (Human Sexual Development) tomorrow. Heh...I studied. My professor will be proud. Maybe I can qualify for exam exemption (I don't think they even have that anymore...but let a girl dream man!). But yeah...I haven't studied for it...but its sex...and reproductive organs...and porn. I know those things. Only problem I might encounter is if she asks the names of guest speakers. (Which those tricky, tricky, profs. always do in lecture classes). She actually took rool the otehr day... now there's like 600 people in this class...and she passed around a notepad. Who went through and read all of those names? Sucks to be her intern (when shes' not giving you free toys and porn on dvd).
You know what song I absolutely adore that I compeltely forgot about until one of the oldies called me last night? The Beegee's "How Deep Is Your Love?" Apparently N*Sync sang a dedication to them...old boy sang a dedication to me (that was our song...way way back in the young young days...heh). Needless to say, it's been downloaded. Have I mentioned my addiction to Kazaa? It's hard to stop. AndI never think of one song at once...it's the devil...but it's so wonderful. Almost instant gratification (thanks Roadrunner!). Wonderful.
Well lovely folks...I'm off to Wal-Mart (have to avoid K-Mart until the stalkers stalkisms wear off...and it's closer too! Grrr....) to get some pretty girl products. Ciao!
Oooh, one more thing...thanks to kazaa (and Tiffany for helping me think of songs to DL as I slowly make my PC's stock plummet) for reaffirming my 112 love. That first album was no joke...it's a "get you in trouble LP." Ok..I'm leaving now...for real...
.: posted by Princess Portia 8:34 PM
Sunday, February 23, 2003
and time...
Saturday is over...in about 31 hours I have to arrive at work. This is depressing. Weekends should be 4 days. I have a test in my Monday night class, and I have absolutely no idea what is going to be covered. Funm huh? I'm sleepy, but I don't feel like going to sleep. Everything turned out cool with the Lasagna. Unfortunately, my legs ache from standing in the kitchen for about 4 hours. I'll be o.k. though...I'm young...smart...a work of art. Sorry..I was fishing for a rhyme...not a compliment. You know... nevermind. Goodnight. Hope time moved slower for you throughout your weekend...
.: posted by Princess Portia 12:46 AM
Friday, February 21, 2003
still drenched
Sooo...when was the last time you were given the silent treatment? Especially over some ambiguous shit? Welcome to my world...people either kick ass, but are invisible and unpredictable...or they're highly visible (and unattractive) and nauseatingly predictable. What the hell happened to happy mediums? (And why am I always having to ask that?) Don't you hate when someone is pissed at you, and you don't know why...and you actually CARE to know why, but clearly they don't? No? Ok then...maybe it's just me. All this ish aside...I had a kick ass night with The Hookas Hooka K (congrats on your engagement!) and Hooka E. Romano's Italian Grille is so much more fun with tiratini's and table wine...Hookas...thanks for a kick ass Friday. But yeah, refreshing and suprisingly fun! Even though my tiratini "ironically" had more chocolate. What was up with that? Oh well... good times...adorable newbie/friend of the hookas waiters...85% strong drinks...what else is there? Oh yeah...the drive home :o/
But yeah...I'm spent...hope everyone else had a great night!
.: posted by Princess Portia 11:14 PM
you like?
Ok, so it's not like a total rehaul or anything..but it's enough to satisfy my A.D.D. If only I could get rid of this purple text. I'm still working on that. I'm rusty on the codes, and now I have a headache.
So it's Friday. Oh joy. I will be sleeping and cooking for another fundraiser this weekend. I'm doing lasagna again. For about 75/80 people. Fun, fun, fun! I feel a cold or something coming on...hopefully I can fight it off. Today has been a quiet day, none of my online chit chat folks were available...so I read. oops...time to go home...I'll finishthis later!
.: posted by Princess Portia 5:32 PM
eros
I've been thinking. When was the last time you were with someone that truly just "did it for you?" I'm talking about not being able to be near them without touching them. Someone that causes you to break all your space bubble rules. The personal space? There's no such thing when they're in your world. When you're not around them, all you can think about is the next time you will be, so you can run your hands across their fresh-scented, smooth skin. Better yet, bury your face in that curve somewhere between their shoulder and their ear...and just inhale. But of course once you're there, you can't help but plant soft kisses on the pressure point right behind their ear... yeah, right there. When was the last time you couldn't make eye contact with someone without sharing a silent exchange...no words...just a deep gaze...that vocalizes all of your unspoken desires. There's no need to say it out loud though. They already know...you've had the "I can't resist you" conversation before, even though you never expected to hear those words come out of your mouth. Speaking of mouths... When was the last time you couldn't be near a person without kissing them...somewhere...anywhere. Whenever they are within reach of your lips, you just have to use them...on them. It's like your mouth, hands, all of you...it changes when they're near. You morph into this wanton being, your only thoughts relating to them and you in some sort of heated embrace. Regardless of where you are, you just want to be near them. Sometimes it happens unconsciously. You'll just be sitting next to them, and next thing you know...you're touching them. Yep...good ol' lust. Sadly, it can make or break a situation. When it's there, you don't even realize it, you just exist in a constant state of Eros. But when it's not present...you're hella aware.
What's up with that? Has lust always been such a powerful thing? My guess is yes. It's the ultimate passion. Without it, your marriage is doomed, your relationships lie stagnant, and ... you see my point. So what has Portia posting like she's writing a romance novel? Let me go ahead and put it out there that it sure as hell isn't because I'm experiencing anything like what's documented above. But while driving home from work, I got to thinking about the last time I was "lustified." That mess can be dangerous, but it's so fun! Especially for someone like me who (in some aspects of my life) sets such strict rules for herself...giving in to what's driving you can be refreshing. And you know what? I miss it. It is of course best (and healthiest...I'm talking mentally/emotionally) when you add a side order of trust and commitment. When you can love and lust someone, that is something lovely. So yeah...next time I become Portia plus one, that is a must. That's why a lot of potentials never graduated to "likely" or "definite." They weren't. I refuse to settle for the like without the lust. Accepting a passion-less association is like eating lime Tostitos with no salsa con Queso, drinking a margarita with no salt, having cheese sticks with no marinara sauce. That's it. Passion is the "associational" marinara sauce. Without it, your noodles are just big gooey lumps of starch, your pizza is...just wrong, and so on and so forth. So...
Live life passionately. May your pasta always have it's marinara sauce. Your relationships love and lust, and may your heart flutter and your groin tingle every time you see your special someone. I just thought about it, and I should probably elaborate on what is usually the cause of that lust and passion (yes appearance has a lot to do with this, but there's so much more), but I'm sleepy yo, I'm out.
.)
.: posted by Princess Portia 12:06 AM
Monday, February 03, 2003
the end is nigh
Ok, maybe not the end, but some serious changes will be made up in these here parts. Keep an eye out...
.: posted by Princess Portia 3:56 PM
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