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Thursday, December 04, 2003

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.: posted by Princess Portia 10:07 PM

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.: posted by Princess Portia 10:06 PM

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Promises

I have SO much updating to do here, I've been posting mostly in my LiveJournal (under NotTheCar). My apologies... as if they're like 450000 people sitting here waiting for me to update or something...lol.

.: posted by Princess Portia 3:49 PM

Monday, November 10, 2003

Waddup Son, What up Cuz, Waddup Blood, Waddup Gangsta?!?

Oh my Jesus, she's come back quoting that dude named after 2 quarters... 5 dimes... 10 nickels.

How the hell are ya? Me? I'm blessed, not really stressed, and doing better than ever.

First off, please forgiveth moi for my absence. I've been pretty consistent on my other web-based journals, but the B to the L-o (hello!) G has been neglected. I think I'm back though. But didn't I say that once before?

Hmmm, and update, is that what you want? How about I just update the layout, is that ok? Let's see what kind of mess I can make in Adobe.

But yeah, I'm still alive... And well. My family is doing just fine, I've started my own business, I'm a lot more sociable, etc., etc., etc.

I'm working my last j-o-b, I'll be here for a 'bit then that's it... It's all "P" after that.

So about this layout update... I'll make that happen one of these days.

Wow, so much is happening (and has happened) I don't know where to start. So I guess I'll just let this be a "hey ya'll, I'm back!" type post.

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:21 AM

Friday, September 05, 2003

semi-update

Hey... remember me? I didn't think so.

All is well in the world of the Portia. Wonderful, even. Some ish up North is getting a bit ridiculous, but everything down south is all gravy. (Wow, I just realized how many [wrong] meanings that statement could have!) The Fall semester is in full swing. I have a new job. Not the one everyone expected/thinks I took, but it's a lot of fun. I'm also doing this other business on the side... that'll be the lucrative one. But I'll get into that some other time.

Basically I'm just living life and loving it. I've made some great new friends that I always had but never noticed, found some cool things to do in my "spare time" and done a lot of "self-discovery." Of course there's always some icky points... but all of those are directly related to things that really don't exist to me (escapism baby!) so it really doesn't matter.

My best friend thinks I'm a lesbian, L has evaporated, or at least it seems like it, Penelope still has no puppies, my family is healthy and happy, the stalkage is practically inexistant for once (halleluah!), my classes are cool but not stressful (yet), I've been a full fledged social butterfly... going to school events and everything. I've done a 'bit of travelling... nothing major yet. I have the chance to go to Ireland in a month or so, but I think I'll pass for now...

Yeah, a lot is going on.

It's great though... no one is in my circle that I don't want to be there, I don't have anything to stress about right now, I'm loved and loving back, and I have some of the coolest friends in the world.

So in case anyone was concerned because I've been MIA (hah, yeah.. all 2 of ya!) here I am! I'm alive and better than ever. I hope everyone else is doing fine and dandy too.

Lates!

PFunk

.: posted by Princess Portia 7:29 PM

Friday, July 18, 2003

my heart

I've made some mistakes. I've exercsed my right to be human . I've done some semi fuc*ed up (ok, fucked up?) things to undeserving people. You know who you are, and I apologize. Ok?

Sorry... just had to put that out there.


Why is it that when you're at your loneliest, all of the people you want to be around are at their "most unavailable" times? This sucks. I'm at the point where I'm craving human interaction so bad I'm tempted to go to kareoke again. Yeha.. did I mention the first time I went? No? Heh. There's a reason. Scary shit.

But yeah, do you see what time it is? Do you see where I am? Exactly.

"Friends' are friends if they let you post drunk."

Sorry...bored...lonely...that's when I think of shit like that. There's so much I want to talk about. The Kobe Bryant drama, my associational drama, the raggedy behind rabbit, sermons (the preacher) at sunrise, etc. Heh heh. But nah, not inspired. I'm not feeling like myself right now. This isn't my life. It's just my made for t.v. movie... they had to make some things a little more depressing to keep you wathcing...



I'll edit the spelling crap later. Hope you all aren't reading this now. I have to live my life vicariously through someone.

.: posted by Princess Portia 9:35 PM

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

light-bright-light-bright... turn on the magic of colored lights!

I've never really been one to sample... especially from conversations, so I'll just get my interpolation on. Don't want folks to start calling me P-Diddy (no pun intended re: the initials) because I'm robbnig staight up hits. But yeah, back to the manuscript...

I've realized that much of the growth I thought had occured since the drama with the devil was inexistent. There might have been a little... but I've noticed that a lot of my actions show just how little.

.: posted by Princess Portia 2:06 PM

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

pain for a good cause

So apparently I've been slacking on the writing tip... my apologiesnot.

I'm getting the rest of my wisdom teeth (the impacted, evil ones) removed tomorrow morning. Fun, fun, fun! This would be a good time to buy be a get well gift...

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:00 PM

Thursday, July 03, 2003

is Mr. Tivity in the house? Posi Tivitiy?

*The most accurate measure of our worth is how much we value ourselves. When we value who we are, we are sure to draw to us others who value us as much. When we are needy, deficient, lacking confidence and self-esteem, we will find ourselves in situations and among people that reinfornce those views. The first step in building relationships is learning to value who we are. We cannot convince others how wonderful and marvelous we are if we do not believe it. We must first convince ourselves. If we repeatedly find ourselves in situations where we are treated badly, we are responsible, not the other person. When we find ourselves in situations where we do not feel wanted, we must have the courage and confidence to leave. Our sense of worth must first come from within. When we have that, we can expect those in our relationships will value us as well.



The wealth of my spirit is the light of my world.



**********************
The passion for setting people right is, itself, a dis-ease with the self.
-Marianne Moore

Many of us have a need to be right. Usually this stems from the inner cry, "There is something wrong with me." We then set out to make ourselves right by making someone else wrong. We may plan what to say. We may canvass others to elicit their support. In some cases, we simply attack, letting others know how wrong they are and why we think so. Self-righteousness is an affliction. It is an inner desire to be accepted and valued. It is a camouflage for feelings of worthlessness. No matter how wrong another may be, it will never make you right. Self-value, self-worth and self-esteem cannot come as a result of being the only right one. It must come from knowing who you are from within and feeling good about it. Europeans being wrong will not make African people right. Women being wrong will not make men right. White people being wrong will not make Native Americans right. We must get right with ourselves. Once we do, we will have so much to do, we will not have time to keep track of who is wrong.

I'm okay, you're okay, now let's get to work.

*********************

Your divine mate is seeking you and you can only meet divinely.
- Jewel Diamond-Taylor

Your divine mate already exists. You are being prepared to meet one another. Through your many growth experiences, and the purpose that is etched in your soul, the day will come when you will meet face-to-face. It will be crystal clear that this person is the right one. She will not need fixing. He will not require work. You will be touched in a place in your heart and soul that, until that divine day, has been untouched. As you allow yourself to accept the reality that your divine mate exists, it will unfold as a reality to you. You can stop looking, forcing and trying to make it happen. You need not fret or worry or allow yourself to be lonely, because your divine mate already exists. You can stop looking out for him or her. instead, spend your time looking within. When you get to the place in yourself that is peaceful divine love, your true mate will be revealed.


My divine mate will be revealed to me in the divine way at the divine time.

*********************

Ok, now everyone go drink some Chai tea with vanilla rice dream stirred in, nibble on an Alessi sesame breadstick, and enjoy your weekend. Be safe, be happy, and behave ;)

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:16 PM

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

your windsong stays on my mind
Remember that cheesy commercial?

I have to make this brief since I'm supposed to be studying. My Racism in American Society class looks like it's going to be great. We have three books, and we got to buy them from Books for Thought, an African American bookstore. I think that's awesome, hella business (about 400 purchases of $55.00) for them. I didn't even complain about it being 3 books. Tuesday we watched the first part of the PBS Special, Race: The Power of An Illusion. Interesting stuff. Now if I had my Tivo I could record it and watch it again. Today I'm reading Two Nations: Black & White, Separate, Hostile, Unequal. So far, so good. I'll get back to you on that though.

So I was talking to my best friend about my current frustration, and her theory is...nevermind. Too funny to share.

I've decided it's time for a new job, this place makes me nauseous now, and that can't be tolerated. I think I want to go back to working night shift again... I need a break from dealing with old folks all day. I need some like-minded interaction. As well, aside from night activities, this will make it (somewhat) possible for me to be a little more sociable/involved at school.

I am seriously feening for some affection. No, not leg humping or random sketch's luurvin'. My needs are very specific, thank you very much. Ok, enough about that...

THREE DAY WEEKEND! Woohoo! I don't know what I'm doing. There's a foam party tonight at a club in Ybor City, and I've always wanted to do the freaky foam thing, but I have class at 8 a.m. I could rationalize and remind myself that tomorrow is my Friday, so it's ok to be tired, or I could be the boring, "you wouldn’t know I was a college student" Portia and just stay home and sleep. Hmm... what to do, what to do. I love having people around that have the "you only live once mentality." Hello? Hello? Where are you? Someone help me rationalize! Hello?

.: posted by Princess Portia 2:35 PM

Monday, June 30, 2003

Don't you hate...

When you claim some ish as yours, and tell people about it, and then you don't get it? Maybe that's just something us daddyless daughters are familiar with... having so much faith in them that when they tell you they're sending you a giant barbie dreamhouse, you believe them. You don't just believe. You start telling all of your friends at school and in your neighborhood about the awesome thing on it's way to you.


And then, for whatever reason, you don't end up getting your Barbie dream house...



Then you're pissed and embarrased that you went around telling everyone about your cool new toy that's nowhere to be seen and you likely won't have for another year. And by then it'll be out of style.

I always hated that feeling. The "damn, I shouldn't have said anything, now people are going to be asking me..." That really sucks.

You know what else sucks? How I've been slacking on my site. I really need to add more pics and content.

[Actually, what you need to do is get your domain name and install moveable type- Blunted] Heh.


I am so physically and emotionally drained. This weekend was fun, but I'm looking forward to getting my sleep on. 41 minutes! (Maybe 11... 5:30 is calling my name).

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:24 PM

club-ho chronicles

This weekend was pretty cool. I did a lot of clubbin' that's for sure!

Friday it was Prana in Ybor. Saturday I chilled, and Sunday I went to the Blue Martini NO worries, the crowd was a lot more diverse last night. You know they can't put that on the website though! That's like putting the (brown) winner of American Idol II on the cover of a magazine!

Needless to say today I'm quite "overhung." I would love to be in my bed right now. Drinking lots water and watching the Wayne Brady Show. (Hey, we all have our weaknesses).

More later...

.: posted by Princess Portia 4:03 PM

.: posted by Princess Portia 3:44 PM

Friday, June 27, 2003

tell me what you want what you really really want

I'll tell you what I want what I really really want.

I want to know how the hell someone so impatient always ends up in situations that require the utmost level of patience.

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:13 PM

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Send your responses: here
1. When and how did we meet?
2. Have you ever seen me with my shirt off?
3. Have you ever seen me cry?
4. Describe me in four adjectives:
5. If we could spend a day together what would we do?
6. Have we ever gotten in a fight?
7. If you could give me a present what would it be?
8. Would you hug me?
9. What do you really think of me?
10. Have we ever kissed?
11. Has there ever been anything you wanted to tell me, but were scared to?
12. Wanna make out? (HAHAHAHA)
13. Name one thing you don't like about me:
14. What song/band makes you think of me?
15. Name one thing you envy about me:


Yes, I'm very, very, very bored!

Do me, I'll do you!

.: posted by Princess Portia 4:43 PM

Thursday, June 19, 2003

el fin de semana

"Go shawty, it's your birthday, we gonna party like it's your birthday..."

I just quoted 50 cent. Oh my. Let's just let this be our little secret. Oh well, it's almost my 21st birthday, so I can do what I want. I think I might be going to the rain lounge on Saturday. I got the hook up on vip from dj short-e. (lol). We'll see. Come join the fun, buy me drinks. I'll confirm later.

.: posted by Princess Portia 6:20 PM

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

baby got back

Here I am. At work, blogging. After the trip I just returned from, I'm having a hard time feeling like I'm serving any type of true purpose here. (Translation: I want to go home!)

My trip was amazing. At times it felt like I was on Road Rules what with all of the "adventures and opportunities of a lifetime." There were definitely hella challenges. Wet Ones were definitely my friend. While I'm at it, let me go ahead and send a big shout-out to "Smucker's Strawberry Goober. Yeah... peanut butter and baby wipes... I ought to write a book.

Jet lag is no joke. I thought it was just something that spoiled world travelers whined about, but there's some truth to it. It's definitely kicking my butt. I'm not sleepy right now, but the adjusting is difficult, and I still feel a little "off."

But the travel bug has officially attacked, and I need another destination...

.: posted by Princess Portia 3:14 PM

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

soooooo anxious

This is my bye-bye until the 14th/15th post because I doubt I'll have time to post in the morning. I am SO excited! Actually right now I'm having a nervous moment, you would think I never traveled internationally how I’m acting. The whole customs thing terrifies me though. They’re hard core criminal organized crime ish in Ukraine according to stuff I read online. Of course that can only be taken with a grain of salt, but no worry.


What does green mean on a mood ring? I found this mood ring in the suitcase my sister loaned me. It's the plain, flat, wedding bandish one. Heh. Imagine a mood ring wedding band...nah, don't. Oh my goodness, my suitcase it so organized, I have my clothes all in pretty little individual rolls. My carry on is the one that's "interesting." 'm carrying on all of my snacks, toiletries, one outfit and one pair of shoes, and 4 pair of underwear...just in case something happens to the luggage. I got a digital camcorder! It's a loaner, but I'm still thrilled. Kind of nervous to be responsible for something so expensive of someone else's, but I'll take good care of it. Everyone pray for me while I'm gone.. please. I'll be ok though, there's hella wisdom behind this trip, and we're all in good hands. I keep thinking of things that I need to go to the store for, but I really should go to bed. We have to meet at noon to make sure everything is situated, even though our flight doesn't depart until 5:45. I'm not going to get into flight numbers and what not, but I'm going on British Airways to London, then to Ukraine, there and back.

This is worse than the first day of school. I put off a lot of things until the last minute {rationalization} so I would have something to do to occupy my time so I wouldn't be so anxious {end rationalization}. There's a lot more I want to say, but my eyes can't stand another minute looking at the computer screen... so I'm off to get a few hours of sleep before my awesome adventure. There will be lots of pictures and movies when I return!!! I look like crap, but thought it was appropriate to post a picture:Here, you, go.

.: posted by Princess Portia 4:26 AM

Friday, May 30, 2003

fubar


I used to say this all the time and not even know what it meant. I finally figured it out, and fortunately it wasn't anything totally atrocious.

The Taste of Pinellas is tonight. I have no one to go with. If it comes down to it though, I'll go by myself. Last year I went with a few friends, but 2 are doing the newlywed thing, Denny, the mystery boy that C brought that had a tattoo of a dolphin on is chest has not been spotted since that night, the other 2 are moving this weekend, unpacking their apartment, and re-packing for the trip to Ukraine. Everyone else is working or someone I have zero interest in going to this thing with. Everyone doesn't get it. They'll order a full meal from one booth, eat it, get full, and be ready to go. That is so not how it works. Oh well, I'll have fun by myself. At least it isn't rainy this year. I really would like to go with C&M (the newlyweds) but I don't know if it's even cool to call them. They've been back from their honeymoon for almost a week, but i just feel like it would be rude to call. I don't know... it sucks, they weren't supposed to drop off the face of the Earth. I don't think I'll be speaking to them again until they call me... I don't want to impose.


So yeah, I'll be at Vinoy Park near the St. Pete Pier tonight. I always take myself on the coolest dates. (Note: it's only classified as a date because it's just me...gotta love lame ass disclaimers, ay?)

eta: no TOP for me, have pre-trip ish to do.

.: posted by Princess Portia 11:47 AM

Thursday, May 29, 2003

I finally kazaa-ed Adobe Photoshop, so I might do a little redecorating up in this piece...

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:12 PM

kidnap me

22 days...

Maybe it's a tad ironic that I'm saying this 4 days before I leave the country, but I feel really UN-spontaneous lately. I bet people can predict what I do, where I do it, and whom I do it with. I've been very "routine and mechanical." It's a shame too; I could be such a fun girl. I just want one of my friends (it sounds like I have a lot when I say that, huh?) to call me like "hey Portia, let's [insert zany antic] at the [insert new locale] for [insert short amount of time]. But you know what? I would probably have to work or partake in some other mundane responsible crap. This sucks. I want everyday to be a new adventure, not a rerun. What to do? Befriend crazier people? Let my inner bra-burning, earthy, wild child shine through? I don't know, but I need to do something. I'm supposed to be going to New Port Richey to see a friend's little sister in Annie. But "responsible Portia" says I should stay home and clean and pack and organize stuff for my departure. But I don't wanna! I even cooked dinner before I came to work. What am I turning into? I'm Suzy Homemaker without the home. That concern of course excludes cooking. I would cook more and make up even more recipes if I had the time, so it isn't that. It's all these attempt at planning and scheduling... synchronizing and organization. I used to be the type that could wake up at 6 a.m. and make a road trip to West Palm or somewhere... hang out for a bit, have lunch, and turn right back around and come back... make it home 3 or 4 hours later, go shopping, go home and cook something, and have a little dinner get-together. What happened? I never have company, and (this trip excluded), I haven't traveled in ages. It's official. I'm boring. Have you looked at my wishlist? I don't want anything interesting like sex toys or hell, even girly home decor stuff. I want a freaking digital rice cooker! .

Ugh.

So I am slowly but surely establishing myself as a boring ass person. Gotta love it. I'm not getting old; I'm only going to be 21! So sad... so sad.

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:11 PM

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

involuntary drama

I could stay in my bed for a month and somehow, I'll still end up in some ish. I am one of the most anti-drama people I know, yet it still never fails. I don't know what it is about me, but random stupid ish is always drawn to me.

Anyhoo...

In just a few days I'll be out of the country for almost two weeks... wow. I wonder how long it will take before I get home sick. I don't think I’ll necessarily miss Tampa... Florida even. But I will definitely miss a few people... Penelope included. (I know she doesn't classify as a person, but you know what I mean). I hope she doesn’t act strangely towards me when I return. My mom will take good care of her though. She's super-grandma. I struggle being a little over a thousand miles away from some people; this is going to be interesting...

I really need to start packing, keep trying to write out a list, but I'm getting nowhere with it. It's been so long since I flew with such strict luggage restrictions. How big can my carry-on be? And if I die in a plane crash or something, what picture will they use? If they use my passport or visa picture, I want someone to sue for slander and defamation of character. Hmm. I think I'm going to write my will before I go. Is that smart or morbid? So I've decided I want to post some cute pictures of me plus one... I don't know though. I hate to trivialize things by making them all public. Does that make sense? I think so. Maybe I should do something a little more mischievous like posting pictures of all the people referenced on my site. Yes, I have pictures of everyone. I'm a photo pack rat. If I had some extra time on my hand I wold go through all of my picture boxes and get rid of a ton of pictures, and put the keepers in photo albums. I'll do that... one day. I can't do it in June though... doing something like that around my birthday might remind me that I'm a bona fide adult. I have to turn in my tenderoni card. Do you think they'll let me keep the windbreaker? At least the baby tee? No? Darn.

So this past year (June--->June) wasn't so bad. I met some pretty cool people, learned a few things, and improved my self in some ways that were a long time coming. (Yes, I got a nose job). I didn't but seriously; I learned a lot about myself and had some great new experiences. I'm so grateful that I was able to live to see another birthday. (Hold up, I'm doing a birthday post a bit prematurely aren't I? Dang, what if I jinx myself? Lol). Ok... not cool. I'll shut up now, and finish making the point I was about to make after June 21st. But speaking of birthdays, this is the perfect opportunity to buy me something. Get a few friends together and get the rice cooker. I'm telling you, it would be wise to invest in me. When I get published you might get an acknowledgement. Oh, and if you want it to reach me by my birthday, I wouldn't recommend the super saver shipping. Thanks in advance!

I'm so sleepy. Maybe it was nightmares keeping me from having peaceful sleep; maybe it was the Olive Garden I had for lunch. (I luurve gift cards!) Either way, I'm outtie.

.: posted by Princess Portia 2:31 PM

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

hee

You know what bugs? A lot of stuff. (heh) I just wanted to save this spot for a post. It'll probably (as usual) be about random obnoxious stuff, messed up people, and bad situations. Until then, check out my wishlist and my me shit.

.: posted by Princess Portia 11:16 PM

Monday, May 26, 2003

wow

Dang, has it really been that long since I posted?


Nothing interesting besides Ukraine ropes courses occurred this weekend. I watched like 6 B-list movies, finally perfected my salsa, didn't talk to people that I wish I did (L), and just sat around. So yeah, its' official, I'm going to Ukraine. I'm hella excited, slightly nervous, and way thrilled. Back to this not talking to people thing... I'm having serious significant people withdrawal. Have I ever talked about that here? No? Oh well, I am now. This 3 day weekend was way overrated. Maybe it was just me. Mine felt somewhat incomplete. I didn't even sleep as much as I wanted to. But I did some interesting Ukraine shopping. I've been going to thrift stores to buy cute "modest" skirts and crap, I want to take as little of my everyday clothes as possible... (Per our Ukraine contact's recommendations). {How many times can I type UKRAINE in one post? Hmm.} You never know what will happen.

So it's about 10:20 Monday (feels like Sunday) night, and I don't feel so well. Physically and something else. I have one of those messed up gut feelings (I've been having them all weekend) that something just isn't right. Maybe I just need more sleep. More recreational activities. Less Time. I don't know... it's something.

Ever been really happy and completely miserable at the same time? Welcome to my world. The planets never completely align. If one thing falls into place, something else falls apart. You know what? I'm sick of these freaking depressing ass posts. I'm out.

.: posted by Princess Portia 10:32 PM

Monday, May 19, 2003

back to the hood of thangs

song: Ye Yo, Erykah Badu

Another mediocre ass Monday. I love when weeks go by quickly, but I just wish there was a way to slow things down when the weekend comes. Oh well, I think I have next Monday off. If only I can survive until then...

This weekend was quiet and way too unproductive.I got my money right, and found my ATM card that was lost for 48 hours, but that's about it. I managed to watch like three movies from HBO On Demand, which was technically on my to-do list, so I accomplished something. I still have a month until my Summer classes start... I already feel like I'm getting dumber by the day.

I'm really sick of this grey freaking mood I've been in. I don't know if it's this crap with my job, or if I've done too good a job of making myself un-excited by my birthday.

COmpletely random: I think I have Carpal Tunnel for real now. Can I get off of work for that? But no, seriously, it hurts when I type. I know I'm going to have arthiritis from all of my knuckle cracking, but so soon? No... I'm serious. It hurts. I...can't....type...anymore...

.: posted by Princess Portia 8:48 AM

Friday, May 16, 2003

Will this day ever end?

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:28 PM

song: In Due Time, OutKast

While I was sitting her sipping on flat Pepsi and downloading depressing (or at least melancholy) songs (the above is not an example of this), I realized something: aside from all the crap going on with me that has me not feeling particularly giddy, something else is a bit off. People that I would pay to leave me alone are ever-present. Maybe even more so than usual, but those with rank seem to be becoming more and more distant. It figures. Welcome to Portia's world. Over the past year...at least, all I've done on here is complain about weird folks that won't leave me the hell alone, or don't get whatever point it is I'm trying to make. I don't say much about those (disregard the implication of pluralnicity [home made word...it’s my page, I can do that fool]) that are handling their business. But right now... umm.

I feel like people that a few seconds ago totally were getting the hang of the Portia thing, you know... figuring out what the fuck is going on in my head, forgot everything they've learned. And it totally isn't fair. I'm not talking birthdays (June 21st dawg) or anything silly like that, I'm talking about me. I feel like people have forgotten what I'm all about, what it takes to make me happy, where my focus is. Ok, ok, not just one person. A few. Even hella close friends that have known me for like forever. People are being very strange lately. Maybe not necessarily strange, but definitely non-traditional. (However traditional something can be when it comes to me). Basically, some really important people are slacking. They are putting forth the effort that is necessary in any and all relationships. Damn, even my mom. Maybe I'm just quickly approaching my pre-birthday moody moment (that I totally don't understand why I have... I'm 21 dude...wtf?)... Yeah, maybe it's me.

Fuck that, I'm not that girl that blames everything wrong thing that’s done by people she cares about on herself. Nah, not Portia. Folks need to stop "slacking on their pimpin.'" (How many pop-points do I get for that???)

Whatever is going on, it isn't cool, and the cell phone contact list is about to get an audit. Be warned.

My ice tastes like fried lumpia. Time to clean out the freezer...again. I need to invest in a deep freezer. Exactly 7 hours until I have to be at work. Just. Freaking. Great. Goodnight tomorrow is Friday! Woo woo!

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:36 AM

Thursday, May 15, 2003

don't look at me
I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I probably won't be going to Ukraine because of my stupid JOB. No, not CAREER demands, job demands at this asinine job that I probably won't have for more than another 6 months. This really sucks. But this is how it is when you're not one of those people with mommy and daddy to fall back on financially whenever your pretty little heart desires. I was really looking forward to this trip, and it means a lot to me, but there are just so many roadblocks. These devils I work for wouldn't approve my Leave of Absences, couldn't give me a logical reason, and are creating hella red tape to keep me from taking it over their heads. I basically had the secretary of my bosses boss tell me that I couldn’t speak to him, and my boss or her boss would have to, and if they didn't feel that their boss needed to be bothered with it, he couldn't be bothered with me. And HR is no help. They have this whole "protecting the rights of employees' facade, but they are straight up there to protect the company. I've seen situations where someone had a solid harassment case, and HR, who is supposed to help the employee was the main one trying to downplay crap. I hate feeling powerless, and I totally am in this situation. I never even knew leaves of absence required all of this approval. You learn something new everyday, I guess. I can't wait until I finish school and don't have to deal with all of this crap. I understand that corporate america and its politics are everywhere, but as a freelance columnist (food critic thing, yo) I won't have to deal with it as much... Self-employment all the way, man.

This has totally plummeted my Summer's stock. So what if I turn 21 on the 21st of June. I had an amazing, meaningful, travel opportunity in the palm of my freaking hands and its gone. I haven't officially told the coordinators that I can't go. I don't know if its me being optimistic that something will happen and I'll be able to go, or if I'm just afraid. This sucks. Anyone know of any cool jobs that are flexible with college students, pay well (not college lifestyle well, adult lifestyle well), and don't require me to do much?? lol. Yes, its a damn shame, I want money, I want benefits, and I don't want to work much. At least I'm honest. Hey, let a girl dream. Seriously though. If I have a guaranteed job to come back to starting 6/16, I'll tell this place to kiss my ass, and be in Ukraine as originally planned. You know what? If my mom had a big behind house and wouldn't charge me rent, I would move back in with her an just go to school and work part time. But we're not the fucking Huxtables, so no sale.

I'm so bummed. All of this plus all the other 'personal' crap I'm dealing with right now... not a happy Portia. I should go ahead and get my wisdom teeth pulled out now so I can be miserable and in pain all at once. Kind of masochistic, but very fitting.

I need to go read a book... get wrapped up in someone else's misery, forget mine for a few days...

Oh, by the way, Matrix: Reloaded was awesome.

.: posted by Princess Portia 2:50 PM

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Complacency+Distance=Far

Don't ask. So some cool stuff has been happening, and some craptacular ish as well. Thrilling huh? Yeah, that's my life, thrill, thril, thrill!


So yeah, I feel weird. Not necessarily bad weird, though.There are still some big things in the works, and I'm going through one of my moments when I'm realizing just how big they are. I feel like there should be some prerequisite mini-events before the big one. You know what I'm saying? I didn't think so. Basically, umm nevermind.

Add this to the list of vague, pointless, posts!

.: posted by Princess Portia 3:27 PM

Monday, May 05, 2003

words are words are words are words

You know, I've always been a hella harsh person, and probably will always be in some respect. But it is so amazing to me how much more words can sting when they come from someone you love...

You know, I've been using the cliche` "actions speak louder than words" since my 5th grade student council president campaign, yet I always forget to apply to those around me. I need to learn to give words less power in my life. They're interchangeable, sometime retractable (good ol' aol email recall) and their meaning can always change. Love today could mean nothing tomorrow. Death yesterday could be life today.

.: posted by Princess Portia 6:41 PM

Sunday, May 04, 2003

even worse maybe?

I've been having an internal conflict these last few days. Practical Pessimistic Portia vs. Patient Positive Portia. (Gotta love that alliteration). PPP1 (the pessimist) is I'm sad to say, winning. I have so much to look forward to in the upcoming months, but I just keep doubting that anything is going to work out. Take my trip to Ukraine for example. I still owe tons of money, and the deadline is hella soon. I would hate to wake up June 3rd and get a call saying "umm Portia, we're sorry, but you're a scrub and still owe a G on this trip... maybe next year."

Dude, I have freaking silverfish in my apartment. My mom said they come out of the woodwork. I'm about to do a google, but this is terrifying. (No, I'm not being overdramatic, I hate bugs this much. Anyone know any err cures? (Besides my flip flop against the wall). I will definitely be up all night. There's been two in my room, (same wall) and one in the living room. It isn't safe anywhere. I thought they only hung out in bathtubs. Either way, I don't think I can sleep here.


** it's official, off to my moms. She thinks I'm ridiculous, but a fear is a fear dude. Nitey night. I'll finish my spiel tomorrow.

.: posted by Princess Portia 11:57 PM

Saturday, May 03, 2003

not so good

Today is not a good day. Well, the day itself was ok, but outside of recreational crap, today totally sucked. Stuff that should be falling into place this month totally isn't, and its causing me to seriously question myself, which is not a good thing. I want so bad to be able ot have faith in others, but when I can't keep from letting my own self down, how can I hope for any better from someone else. I'm just really disappointed in the lack of understanding I've had lately. People have come to me with some legitimate concerns, but I haven't been able to see past the negative situation that I will encounter. I know I'm being really f*ed up about this. (They don't know that though because I'm internalizing this stuff). But what good is all this "knowing" and self awareness crap if I don't do anything to improve upon these issues/character flaws. But yeah, I'm selfish and self centered. Not materially, but in other respects.Still. Ok, I don't really want to get too much into that because some other random self centered person (no telling who, there are a lot of us out here!) will read this and think it s about them. Don't ask me how, people that I haven't spoken to in years read stuff on here and come up with some random interpretation to make a post about them. So let me just put this out there :This is about me. Portia, Portia, Portia. Not you.. Heh.

.: posted by Princess Portia 11:18 PM

Is saying something you don't mean, because its the right thing to say considered lying?

I hate when I get that feeling of impending doom or loss. It's never wrong. I hope it doesn't relate to my grades. (I doubt it). Or some of the other "importants" in my life. But something tells me that one of these days I'm going to lose something. I also hope it isn't money. I don't know what that leaves, but umm... I've always hated this feeling because then I feel like I need to go through some sort of preliminary gloom phase. I'm too damn sensitive or something. It just seems that too many really great things have happened lately (of course there's always a side of stress or drama relating to something) but the positives have definitely outweighed the negatives lately. I wish it could stay like that, but this is the "Real World" and you always have stuff to deal with.


I'm worried about this Summer...

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:11 AM

Thursday, May 01, 2003

What?






Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz, by Angel.


I played a couple of sports, but I was also a cheerleader/dancer. And I was in the "geek" classes. Ah well, at least it didn't say I was a slut. Silly....silly quiz.

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:04 AM

Saturday, April 26, 2003

song: I move on, The (newer) Chicago Soundtrack
Hi. I'm Portia. Not SuperPortia. Not Superwoman. And I'm ok with that. That is all. Enjoy your weekend! Thanks to some wonderful encouragement, I'll try my darndest to enjoy mine.

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:00 AM

Friday, April 25, 2003

better now?

I made it to work (darn). It's really nice outside, kind of windy, kind of "cool."

You know, I suck at staying on that neutral ground that keeps a "discussion" from turning into an argument. I'm too damn condescending, I'm too sensitive, and I'm way too defensive. This is going to be the death of me and all of my associations. I play the constructive discussion role well; I'm fully equipped with all of my PC/anger management responses, but I still take every freaking thing to heart. Even when I know I shouldn't. It is really rather passive aggresive. FOr example, I'm the type of person that will act as if an issue is resolved, but when you try to hug me or something to "seal the make-up deal" I can't do it.




*at least I finally see how freaking petty it is. I'm sorry. I'm a work in progress.

.: posted by Princess Portia 2:37 PM

edited to add:


Ok, so right before I posted that last comment, I checked ot make sure my phone actually was off (I'm dealing with Sprint, these are things you gotta do, man). So... being the OCD person I am, I just tried again. WHY IS MY PHONE ON NOW? I can't even be relieved about it, because I still won't be able to go back to sleep. GRRR!

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:07 AM

I.HATE.SPRINT.

I'm LIVID!
Who sends text messages at 4:48 a.m. to let someone know that their service has been cut off? First of all, my payment was due on the 19th. I did an online check on the 15th. THE.CHECK.HAS.CLEARED.MY.ACCOUNT. (cleared on the 18th!) f*#_@tards. And to make matters worse, the assheads aren't even open at 4:48 a.m. so that you can resolve your issue. What's up with that? What's the damn point of sending notifications that you know are going to inspire your customers tocall in to customer service at a time when customer service isn't open? Ugh! So of course now my sick ass can't get back to sleep. (I had 2 hours and 45 minutes left!) Ugh. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. 4:48 a.m.!. Way to mess up my day before the sun even rises, huh?

.: posted by Princess Portia 4:59 AM

Thursday, April 24, 2003

can you hear me?

Because I sure can't hear myself! I sound ridiculous. like someone stuck olives in both of my nostrils. I'm that stuffy. So I don't know what I'm going to take next semester. The Summer is pretty easy, I'll basically just take whatever is left. (It sucks, I know, but I had a step-child registration date). But the Fall is another story completely.



Have you ever awaken and felt like you lost something you had the night before? Yes, I lost my virginitry. HAHAHA! (I can't even spell it, that's a shame, yo). No, seriously, have you? I had that feeling today... doesn't feel so good. So yeah, all this morning I had this feeling of impending doom... is this what anxiety feels like? I didn't feel like out of control or anything, I just felt like I was about to lose something, or had already lost it. Money? I doubt it, don't have any to lose. (Sad, but true these days... everythign goes to the Ukraine fund). But yeah, something just felt "not right." I hate that feeling.

Moving right along... so here are my "maybes" for this semester:

*Racism in Amercan Society (3) Meets Wednesday nights from 6-850

*Expository Writing (3) Meets TR 9:30-10:45 or Persuasion (3) (meets @ the same time)

*Great Literature of the World (3) TR 11-12:15 (problem: this is taught by my current Late SHakespeare professor, who I also had for early Shakespeare this past fall. I'm all for sticking with someone whose style you're familair with, but is this a bit much?) or Issues in Feminism (3) (I signed up for this in the fall and it was cancelled, so I dont know...) or Feminist Ethics (3) (see a trend here? I said I would take at least 1 Feminism class while @ USF, so there ya go!)


There's more, but I lost my train of thought (read: can't find the paper I wrote them on.) Back to the Class schedule search screen!

.: posted by Princess Portia 4:38 PM

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

distractions

...In the East doth my pleasure lie... [Antony & Cleopatra]

I'm supposed to be working on a research paper on cloning. (All I actually have left to do is my works Cited page...time to find some, ay?) But my mind is racing with tons of thoughts that don't relate to cloning. If I never have to type that word again it'll be too soon.

Today was a bad day. I feel like crap, my head is hella congested, and I'm a procrastinator in a world of other procrastinators. And that sucks. Someone has to be a go-getter. I would assume the title, but circumstances don't always allow me to go-get what needs to be gotten. Feel me? Didn't expect you to.

I just feel so out of control of some aspects of my life. There's no need to break it down into specifics, just take my word for it. But yeah, it sucks. There's so much potential for growth in my life, but there's always something stunting that growth. Whether it is money, space, age, distance, time, motivation, or whatever. It's always something. I hate having to sit back and just let things happen, or "fall into place." I try to maintain the optimistic viewpoint that everything in my like definitely will fall in to place, but I don't know. I guess its impatience. Take school for example, I'm totally aware of the fact that to do what I want career-wise, it's imperative that I finish my post-secondary education. Which means I just have to sit back and study. I must humble myself and acknowledge that not only do I have a lot to learn, but that I actually need this knowledge. It sucks, but to achieve my long-term goals I have to pay my dues. This applies to everything. Thus increasing the suckage.

I have more to say on this, but I have to get back to work on this paper... gotta stay focused (auughhh!)

.: posted by Princess Portia 11:09 PM

Monday, April 21, 2003

for real this time...

I hear folks are having drama with blogger since Big Daddy Google took over, maybe if I posted more I could relate.

This morning I decided to start posting before I go through my regular web routine. Aren't you proud? You should be. I feel like I'm about to be sick. I think it might be from taking care of Livi while she was sick. If that's the case, then it's ok; it was for a good cause.

Speaking of good causes, (gotta love that segway, huh?) my wishlist has been updated. I don't want to hear any smart comments about it looking more and more like a wedding registry at target or something either... you all know I'm "domestic." So yeah, as of today there are only 2 months until my birthday. So many other wonderful things are happening in June (and there are still some unconfirmed possibilities that will be awesome if everything falls into place) though, so I'm not even sweating my birthday... just yet. I told my mom and my sister that I want earrings like these ... they laughed at me! My theory is, it's my 21st birthday, I didn't have a sweet 16 or 18th birthday party. I didn't even have a graduation party! So if they don't want me to be some bitter old lady with resentments out the wazoo (wha?), this would be a good gift. Give me some credit, I tried. Seriously though, I wouldn't expect something like that from them. I'll buy them myself. I think I would appreciate them more that way. I don't know if it’s an age thing, or a female thing, or what, but for like the past year I've been really into jewelry. I haven't bought much, but it sure is pretty to look at. Hee Hee! Ok, this post is starting to sound like it belongs to someone else.

Moving right along...

I've got some housekeeping issues to deal with.

*obnoxious emails, voicemails, etc.
If we've had a conversation before, this does not give you the right to leave me presumptuous, rude, smart-ass messages. And I mean through any means of communication. When you find yourself fixing your mouth to say "oh you can't call me?" or "oh, you must have gone and settled down, blah, blah, blah..." or "you act like you ain't got time for..." or "I've called you [insert number] times," or anything that resembles any of these things, Just.Hang.Up. If you've called/emailed/text messaged/smoke signaled/IM'ed/etc. me multiple times without a response, ask yourself, "Why isn't Portia responding to me?" If you're still drawing a blank, dig deeper. Ask yourself "has Portia ever responded to me?" Still not getting it? Ok, try this one: "If/Whenever I do/did speak to Portia, does she always seem to be busy or uninterested in the conversation?" Ohh! And one more "Why would Portia want to be bothered with someone like me, I [insert issue, bad habit, bad smell, dental issue, poor English skills, etc.]?" If you still don't get it, you're just dumb, and that's probably why you're being ignored.

I don't know why people think its cute to leave the "oh, you must have your man over there," messages. These messages imply that I deal with the person that left the message only when "my man," is unavailable. Which means they are further assuming that 1.)I'm not single 2.) they can meet some sort of need or fill some sort of void that "my man" can't. Pshaw! As if! So basically, these are the people that give themselves entirely too much credit. It cracks me up when people that I've never given the time of day use this tone on me. I'm always doing social exfoliations, single or attached. I just don't care to be bothered with some people. And it’s scary when people you don't know come at you like they know you... better yet, like you owe them something. I guess that’s my fault though. Damn this blog.

I hope that doesn't sound mean. Just kidding, I don't care.

Let's see... what else has been happening? I think this is the last week of classes. I guess I should probably find out for sure, but everything is kind of gray, so I'm not sure. Have you ever had to deal with someone that was so nice to you... to everyone, but you couldn't stand him or her? There's this chick at work, we'll call her California, she's polite, friendly, does her job, sends out grammatically correct emails to users, brings in (digestible) baked goods, but she bugs the hell out of me! I don’t' know, maybe I'm just evil or something, but she irks me. Maybe it’s the banana clips she wears in her hair. Nah, I'm not that shallow. It isn't the accent, because Casey has the Cali thing going on, and it doesn't bother me. Maybe it’s her sense of humor. It's too light and fluffy... no sarcasm or irony. More like "why did the saint cross the road?" "why" "To go to the florist and buy roses for the sad nun." Oook. Hmm... I can tell this is going to be a long week. I need the next 19 or so days to go really fast, then time can stand still on the 9th-12/13/14.

I have so much more to say, but other, more important (sorry!) things require my attention right now...have a great day!

*I'm going to try to do some new things on the site this week. Stay tuned!

.: posted by Princess Portia 9:00 AM

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

reality

Yes, I know I'm the world's most inconsistent poster... so shoot me. A lot... and I mean a lot has been going on lately. The spring semester is almost over, and it’s almost time for my trip to the Ukraine? Wanna donate some scrillaz? Email me.
Writers block stinks. Well... it isn't a full-on writers block, I just cant seem to write about anything important, despite the fact that these important things I need/want to write about are practically all that’s on my mind. Grrr. I don't know what it is, either. As soon as I come here to post, all of my words escape me. Hmm.
Well I just wanted to let anyone that cares know that all is well in my world. Better than well. Great. There are a few things that need to be confirmed before everything is gravy, but I'm not complaining. Everything will fall into place... I hope.
I know I always say it, and I never follow through, but I’ll be back later to finish, I've got a lot to share with you!



*Rhyming unintentional.

.: posted by Princess Portia 2:22 PM

Monday, April 07, 2003

song: faith evans...pick one...
mood: vacant

Ever encountered something so wonderful it almost seemed like a bad thing? No? Ok, then shut up.

I'm sorry it has been so long since my last post... I've been busy with school, work, and stuff like that there.

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:17 AM

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

swing, swing, swing!

So it's business as usual in my world. Back to work, back to school. Ho, hum. At least it's Tuesday. I don't know what I would do if today was Monday... I'm feeling melancholy enough as it is...

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Not quite sure why yet, but I'm sure something interesting is bound to happen.

Losing my train of thought... I'll finish later.

.: posted by Princess Portia 4:00 PM

Sunday, March 30, 2003

sun-less day

song:
mood:

whenever, wherever, we're meant to be together...
I'll be there and you'll be near, and that's the deal my dear...

(Who typed that?)

Florida weather never ceases to amaze me. It was like 50 today. And grey. Yesterday it was ridiculously hot... flu much? I'm deciding whether I'll chill at home tonight or go elsewhere. I don't have to go to work tomorrow... it was a pre-arranged vaca-day. But if I don't end up doing anything, there's no point in me wasting the time off. Sure, I could study, but technically I can do that at work. (Not that I actually will... whenever I take my books to my desk, I rarely end up opening them).

What was I saying? Oh, nevermind... I got a distracting (in a great way) phone call in the middle of this post... later.

.: posted by Princess Portia 9:37 PM

Saturday, March 29, 2003

the spark?

song: Ain't No Sunshine, Al Green
mood: peaceful


Baby just hold me...
Simply control me...
Because your arms, they keep away the lonelies...

What a weekend. (And then some... I know it's been a while since I posted). The defense mechanisms won't allow me to go too far into detail. (Ok, they will, but I’m just not going to). The optimistic side of me says that in my absence I found a keeper..."Mr. Potential" and then some. What did I just say? Umm...never mind. Seriously though, the pessimist in me says that I shouldn't type a damn thing until it's established that all the variables in this equation are on the same page. Cryptic much? What to do? What to do? There’s no telling... I slept a lot this weekend, while still managing to be hella productive. (NOT reproductive...heh, heh, heh). And I smiled excessively. That's all I'm saying. Thank you sooo much Hooka K for hooking me up w/the BG tickets. I owe you one... two… a party lite party even!

Yes... I'm quite aware of the fact that it's 2:35 a.m. My body just reminded me. I'm finally sleepy. I'll elaborate later... or not. I hope important people make it home safely... insignificant people ...oh, never mind... I don't know any of those anymore... how about this: everyone enjoy the rest of your weekend. Hope it's full of sparks, chemistry, and smiles… just like mine. Lates.

.: posted by Princess Portia 10:43 PM

Thursday, March 20, 2003

whirlwind
songs: (well interludes) F*&! You, (some interlude on the old Cam'ron CD) and Never Felt This Way, an interlude form Songs in A Minor.

I don't know whether to grin from ear to ear or cry right now. Some fucktard tried to break into my car when I was at my sister's house. They didn't succeed. But they shattered my passenger side window. (Hey stalkers! This would be the perfect opportunity to break in my car and take some Portia memorabalia! Ugh.) So I'm kind of feeling llike shit about that. Oh... and I'm hungry. But Im' not driving my car anywhere, and I have nothing I want to cook. I'm stuck. This sucks, this sucks, this sucks!

But...

I received an e-mail earlier today, that I couldn't read until just now. I'm glad I saved it, it definitely made me feel better.


Oh, and we're at war. What the hell? THe whole idea is already totally messed up, they couldn't even give it a good name? Ugh.

.: posted by Princess Portia 9:52 PM

Monday, March 17, 2003

still

song: plenty, guru w/erykah,
There are so many thoughts running through my head right at this very moment. None of which relate to the Shakespeare mid-term essays that I must complete before 11 a.m. tomorrow. This is absolutely inexcusable. Will I forever be a procrastinator? But wait, there's hope! There's no feet shuffling (is that how that country expression goes?) in some aspects of my life. I'm trying out that "take no prisoners, live with no regrets" thing right now. And you know what? It feels damn good. I have peace... for once. There's no drama, no stress, no bad anxiety... and you know why? Because I'm finally opening my mouth (hush) and allowing what's inside to come out. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound like I've just had this total revamp... I've got skills, but not like that! However, I do have a more solid idea of what I want in a duet... and it's attainable... all but right in front of me. That's the peace I'm talking about. Seeing, knowing, and having access to what you want.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. MIne wasn't particularly eventful, but it was mine all the same. I went bowling with the hookas, did some shopping/returning/shopping again, cut off all ties with the demon formerly known as First Union, and relaxed. Oh, and I made more spring rolls. Did I post a pic of my new glasses yet? Oh, that's right, I've been stingy with the pics. Well here you go! If I were anywhere near as studious as I look in that pic right now, I wouldn't be posting. Hmmph. Let's see... while I'm stalling...what else is there? Oh... I only look plastered.... I wasn't... I don't think. I can't remember what time I took that. And Sam says you can't be creative with a web cam. Ha!. Ok... that's two shout-outs to your site. Where are my Milano "Balla" cookies?

Moving right along... I'm having houseguests (ok, only one, but it sounds better in the plural form) next week... yeah, I'm ready. Wait! I just thought about how that could possibly be interpreted. No worries, I won't be in the bed with my guest... they're locking the door. They've heard about the wrath of Portia, I suppose. (Kidding!)

It's 10:00 now. Do You Know Where Your Children Are?. Cool. Me either. All I know is I've done a great job of stalling. I really don't want to be up all night though, so I'm outtie. You know, I went to Walgreens and bought two Starbucks canned espressos, but I was distracted by my need to get $20.00 cash back, so I think I left it there. Damn. Typos will be corrected later. I have to save my editing skills (ha!) for this essay. Lates!

.: posted by Princess Portia 10:09 PM

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Saturday night...midnight. And I'm watching an oyster shucking contest on the Food Network. Portia... this is your life! Boration. (Note: that last word was originally elaboration, but I think I just invented a new word. Swell!)

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:07 AM

Thursday, March 13, 2003

countdown

mood: restless
song: rise and fall, craig david (don't clown)and sting

Every minute that passes is a minute that will never exist again... and it's unlikely that you will remember every significant thing you did with your time. Isn't that scary? Although its an intimidating idea, I still manage to forget...

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:55 PM

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

wed-nes-day

mood: anxious... in a good way
song: Sex n' Candy, Marcy Playground, and Orange Moon, Erykah Badu.

In the first grade that's how I used to have to break it (Wednesday) down to remember how to spell it.

Every single morning I go through an internal conflict. "Do I get up, or do I stay in bed?" I'll just chill there in bed for what feels like 45 extra minutes, all the while I'm trying to think of ways to manipulate the system. You know what ends up happening? I succumb to my monotonous fate, and get my behind out of bed. And just to add insult to the injury that is waking up, it's usually 15 minutes earlier than I had even originally planned to wake up. I hate having to be to work by 7:30 a.m. I don't know how folks do it. I guess you do what you have to do to get what/where you won't. That doesn't mean I won't whine about it...

.: posted by Princess Portia 7:54 AM

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

..."I think I need a cup of tea, 'cause my high is coming down..." -Erykah Badu, On & On.


Something is really wrong. I left "Giddy Portia" at home today or something. At least I know what's bothering me now...(don't ask)

Moving right along...

I don't know what I'm going to do this weekend. I requested Thursday and Friday off, but I'm going to push that back to next weekend. Tiffany is going to have sex in the woods or something like that, and there's nothing going on. I'm sick of this shit. Not wanting to be bothered, but at the same time not wanting to not be bothered. I could always go to the outlets in Orlando; but I wouldn’t be shopping because I need to (hell, even want to), but simply to medicate. It's healthier than drinking or any other herbal activity, but it's also more expensive. And then there's buyer's remorse, which I'm already going through. I have so much shit to take back, but no motivation. It's not like I even have to search for receipts; they're still in the bags.

I was thinking... how in the world can a person be surrounded by people, almost excessively, and still feel totally alone? It never ceases to amaze me... regardless of how many people are calling, emailing, writing, etc., I still somehow feel totally, completely, absolutely with the greatest level of certainty, alone. I don't know if it's my mood today that has reminded me of this or what, but I just feel so incomplete. Not depressed, not lonely (not any more than usual), just not whole. I have a great job, I'm doing well in school, I love my apartment, I have a close-knit family, a best friend better than I could ever expect... so what's up? I even have D on call. (That I don't utilize anymore... I'm past getting down like that). Lot's of people love me, (try not to read that as an arrogant statement...you know what I mean) and I even love a few people back. Better yet, I even have my spirituality. (Note: I did not say religion... I'm not a religious person, simply spiritual). So I don't get it, do I need a new hobby? Should I start back dancing? I think that's what it is... I need a creative outlet. Granted, I do have this, and my offline journal, but maybe the dancing will work. But wait! I cook! I embrace the culinary arts. Good grief, that would be a bit much.

I mean, as far as everything goes in my life, I'm either a.) Doing what I love, or b.) Working towards having the freedom to do what I love. Maybe I've lost my ability to be passionate about things... anything. Maybe I've turned into a human Eeyore... maybe nothing is truly worth being passionate about. Maybe, just maybe, I'm just in a bad mood, and this is all a pathetic rant that I won't even be able to relate to when I read it later. Whatever it is... today sucks.

Tuesday is supposed to be a better day than Monday, but if Tuesday, 3/11 is providing me glimpse of the status of this week, it's only going to get worse. I hope not, but I'm not feeling particularly optimistic about anything right now. I just want to get in my pretty purple portia-bed and disappear...

.: posted by Princess Portia 4:48 PM

---

mood: swingin'
song: The Proud(??), Talib Kweli

The President's a Bush...
The Vice President's a Dick...
so a whole lotta fucking is what we're gonna get.

Why do I bother naming these posts? I mean, I never adhere to the pre-established (by me!) topic, so what's the point? I don't know how it happened, but somewhere between my apartment and work I became somewhat irate. Nothing bad happened, I even received a check ($4.90, woohoo!) and a $5.00 of coupon from Planters/Kraft for my burnt cashews. This morning was quite productive, I got to go get violated by my Gynecologist, and I went to the DMV to get a new Florida ID... both drama-free. So is my current mood a delayed reaction, or what? I'm tired, but not exhausted. I haven't had to deal with any corporate imbeciles (yet). What's going on? It's probably this weather. I'm so over Florida. It's hot; the insurance is high, and the governor sucks. Not to mention that anyone whose anyone lives in New York right now...

My buddy Sam has a website now, go see what he's talking about, since I sure as hell "ain't saying a thing."

The heat in this building is killing me softly... I'll be back later, if the mood permits.

.: posted by Princess Portia 1:43 PM

Monday, March 10, 2003

fusion
mood:argggh...with a side of ahhhh
song: Tell Me, Groove Theory

Mondays suck... Just thought I would offer up that little piece of wisdom.

So it's good 'ol Spring break week, but it doesn't really matter since I'm still right here in Cubicle hell... on the runny kine. I'm ridiculously sleepy today. My brain was running a mile a minute last night... so to keep myself occupied, (and just because I wanted to!) I got all "Abstract Art Portia" on a CD case... I even went to the post office at 1 a.m. At least I was somewhat productive in the midst of my insanity.


Wow, time has gone so fast today. I'll finsih this post later...

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:17 PM

weekend end

mood : perplexed
song: hello, Lionel Ritchie

Whoa. Have you ever been sitting back in your lovely cubicle at work, thinking about the upcoming weekend? Well, like many others, I did that this Friday... in the pre-weekend plans I made, I would never have predicted that this weekend would turn out how it did. I mean that in a good way... I think. Yeah... I do.

Ok...well something that wasn't supposed to happen did... I'm talking hella layers, dude. Ok... so there's this individual that I've been feeling. We'll say for a while now. But there were things about them I didn't know...I hate to say important things... but definitely things I would eventually have to discover. So these "mysteries" were uncovered, and whoa. Now I know this all sounds like it’s probably a good thing. I think it might be, but I don't know. My only concern is that this individual won't realize that my interest and my views on these "unsolved mysteries" are two completely separate things... I would still have one without the other.

Why am I typing this? Ugh. I don't know. I don't sound like Portia. Or maybe I do...Who's typing this?

These defense mechanisms have been brought to you by Colgate!.

So I got all Iron Chef today. I found a new Oriental (that's what it’s actually called) marketplace downtown. They have everything! I mean, they even cook there...it was amazing. I had two failed attempts at partaking in some out- of-the-house recreation Friday and Saturday night. It was still fun though.

Blah, blah, blah. I'm like seriously on (emotional) defrost right now. Not to say that I was an "ice queen" or anything before, but this mess is no joke...
You know how they say growth is never comfortable? (Don't ask me who "they" are...I've just heard that expression before homie) Well, I've always hated that saying... its hella true though. Ouch. OW.

You know that thing that happens when you're falling asleep, and you start feeling like you're falling out of bed or something, and you jump, or jerk, and wake up? I hate when that happens. Strangely enough, I think that’s a good example of how I dealt with my feelings (or lack thereof) towards others in the past. Rather than just closing my eyes and allowing myself to fall... I jump, and am thus brought back to a normal state of consciousness. Tell me then, why haven't I jumped yet? It's terrifying, but amazing. I don't know what to do. I feel so out of control of the situation... it’s like...do I just sit still, make moves, or what? What I don't understand is how I can be terrified but feel fearless at the same time? Damn layers. It's like a freaking J-Lo song...I hate to admit it, but it’s stuck in my head. Maybe that was a bad analogy...it makes sense to me, and that's all that matters.

I bought a CD Burner on Saturday. After much drama, it’s installed and I'm not making wonderful CD's. You too can have your own special Portia-Mix. Only 3 easy payments of 64.99. What a deal!

You know, when I started this post...there was a point. I lost it somewhere along the way... I hate when that happens... but I think I found something else in the process. I hope everyone's week is as drama-free and wonderful as my weekend was. Woohoo! Spring Break!

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:44 AM

Thursday, March 06, 2003

finished yet?

mood: chill
song: all this love, Debarge

In an effort to avoid turning on my A.C., I've been forced to resort to drinking sweet frozen drinks to cool off. Oh...this tortuous role I've been given in the play of life...just do away with me now! Viva la Mexico! Oy!

Speaking of heat... I want desperately to... hold on... stop thinking nasty. I know you are!

Ok, so I want desperately to go back to Key West. The trip there last April was amazing. Or maybe it’s just that I'm itching to be anywhere that isn't Tampa. I'm still faced with the predicament of determining exactly what locale I'm going to bless with my presence. No one I want to see feels like being bothered, and those that I have zero interest in seeing are extra-available. But you know what? If the situation was any different, I would be concerned. It would mean I woke up in someone else's world...because things never flow that smoothly for me. Speaking of heat... I want desperately to... hold on... stop thinking nasty. I know you are!

There's a stupid question I'm constantly getting asked. "Why are you single?" It is usually preceded with some lame line/in genuine compliment, but that's the meat and potatoes of it. I detest that question. First of all, I'm only 20 years old. I should be focused on setting goals for my future, and working to achieve them. Not worried about what pretty face is always seen in the same room as mine. Personally, I think it's an unhealthy attitude to define who you are by your significant other...or lack thereof. This is not to say that relationships are a bad thing, but there's a season for everything. And it's not my season... and I'm not sitting alone in my room curled up in fetal position in the middle of my bed, waiting for that season to come. I'm living, learning, and most importantly, loving it. I mean, of course, if Mr. Just for Portia knocked on my door tomorrow (as long as he called before he came...heh heh), I wouldn’t say, "Oh, hey cutie, I'm sorry, I can't let you in... I'm busy." Hell no. But I'm also not going to be sitting on my porch waiting to greet him before he even gets to the door. It doesn't work like that.

What’s even worse is some of the ridiculous responses some women give back: "There ain't no good men." "I don't need a man." "All I need a man for is sex and money." Ummm like no and stuff! There's absolutely nothing wrong with being independent and self-sufficient, but at the same time, I truly believe we weren't meant to run this race alone, which is why we have friends and lovers. Drama ensues when people begin to operate with the mentality that quantity holds more weight than quality. It's all about the quality folks. Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y. If someone wonderful meanders into your life...don't let that person pass by. They walked in your direction for a reason. So to answer the question... "Why are you single Portia?" I'll put it like this: my first priority is self-improvement. When I do come across "the one" I want to be at my best for them...and vice versa. I believe that when things are happening in the right season, it's effortless. (Well maybe not completely, but I think you know what I mean). There's a peace there. When that peace is felt mutually between me and "Mr. Potential" I'll move to the next step. I just feel that after high school, the whole just dating thing is unhealthy and is more damaging than beneficial. I won't date to find my "mate" I'll just trust that when its right, I'll feel it...and that will be it. Oh...thanks for asking by the way :o)

.: posted by Princess Portia 10:18 PM

think about it

How long is too long for your hearts desires to remain just that...desires? When is patience no longer a virtue? Are you able to spot the very thin line between settling and compromise? Think about your answers. That's all... for now.

.: posted by Princess Portia 4:07 PM

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

mello smoooooooth

Has anyone ever asked you something that left you like.. "What's about to happen?" I hate that... immensely. It's actually hot in my house. What is this world coming to? I'm sorry, I have to turn the air on though, I can't have any of Tiffany's MOOOLD coming up in this piece. It feels somewhat eerie having absolutely nothing to turn in tomorrow. No quizzes, essays, group work, anything. I should go out. I don't know though..I have yet to reach the level of "gangsta" required to partake in mid-week recreation and still function normally until the close of business Friday. So I need to figure out somewhere I can fly by the end of the day tomorrow. I have like nowhere to go. I could go visit one of my best male friends, but his Spring break isn't until the last week of the month, and I'm not just trying to chill up in someone's apartment in the country. Ho hum...I'll figure something out. Any suggestions?

.: posted by Princess Portia 10:01 PM

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

it never fails

The ish that just happened to me was so ridiculous I had to come to the computer lab to post about it...while it was fresh in my mind...
Ok, so answer something for me. Why, on a campus of say...10-20 thousand (I don't know the actual numbers) do I manage to attract all of the men over 33? Just a few moments ago for example...when I was crossing the street from the parking lot to the library I saw this dude make a double take and break out into a kool-aid grin as he looked at me. (Note: I'm not looking particularly homely today, but I didn't get all "beauty queen" to come to school either). So I think nothing of it, this happens when you're not an unattractive female. So I go in the library, (automatic door) and guess who's there holding the (non automatic) door for me? The star of this story... (Heh). So I hustle up to the door (I'm like 30 steps away, and I feel bad that he's still holding it...at this point I didn’t know there was a method behind his madness...I thought he was just being polite...silly me), walk through, smile, and say "thank you." So as I'm walking to reserved books area, I hear him walking quickly behind me, and he catches up and says, "excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but you know I have to ask..." and I'm like, "oh, umm hi, what did you want to ask?" (Side note...the keyboard I'm using is so stiff...feels like someone did something nasty on the keys...ewww) Ok, so he's like, "you are amazing. I just had to tell you that...your beauty is astounding...I just wanted to know, where is the man that is caressing that beautiful face and massaging those pretty feet at night?" So now I'm thinking "whoa, what's this all about." I mean, old boy was a cutie...he had the Tyson chinky eye thing going on...but more about that in a sec. So I'm smiling, trying not to laugh, and I say "oh, I don’t have one." To which he replies "WHAAAAT? Come on now...as beautiful as you are?" HE proceeds to violate all kids of space bubble laws and stare at my face and walk around me commenting on my cheekbones, my eyes, and etc." And then he's like, "so no one is kissing those beautiful lips?" (I was tempted to be a smart ass and ask "which ones?" but I exercised self-control). So I just say, while trying not to laugh/blush/giggle "nope, no one." And he's like, "Wow...well can I submit my resume? It's important that you know that I'm approaching you with only honorable, passionate intentions" *this is when I knew he wasn't American...it was starting to sound like lines from an Eric Jerome Dickey novel. * So I'm like, "well, I'm accepting applications, so you can submit one, and you'll be contacted if I have any positions available for you." (Yes...I got that good game...heehee). So he's all like still staring at me and stuff...then he starts talking about how "luscious" my lips are, and how, "though I mean no disrespect, I'm overwhelmed by the attraction I feel towards you." And I'm all like "umm, ok...thanks..." So he asks me my name, so I tell him, and he's like "is that your stage name?" *I HATE when people ask me that! So I tell him no, his name was Chris. So he asks how he can contact me...I tell him to give me his number and if I get so inspired (read: drunk) I just may remember this "charming conversation" and call. He’s not having it, he says "but my dear Madame, (who SAYS stuff like this? Dude, my Shakespeare class isn't until 11) I don't know if I'll make it if I don't hear from you soon, may I have the honor of receiving a number where you can be reached?" So I ask, "How old are you Chris?" He says "how old are you?" (Guys, don't do this...it's ugly and automatically makes it look like u have the potential to lie about your age). So I tell him "I'm only 20 dear." (I love throwing in the 20...heh). So I ask again, "How old are you?" He does a big blink (stalling) and says, "Well my dear, I'm much older than I look." So I say, "40?" He's like, "well no! Not that much older! I'm 34." Now you see...this shit kills me. Now I might have given him my number simply because he made me laugh with his "a midsummer’s night dream" approach, but nope! So I'm like, "oh...well...ok...it was nice meeting you...I have to get to the computer lab for an online quiz." (I'm trying to walk away before he starts with the old man disclaimers...but I don't succeed. "Portia...what about your number? I can tell you're a mature woman that doesn't like drama or stress...and I'm just that...I want to take care of you...paint those pretty little toes (I don't know whose feet he was looking at! Little? I wear an 11, dude), and brush that lovely hair. So I'm like, "well Chris, I have your number...I'll possibly be in touch....bye!" Grrr. Damn old men. (No offense to any of my mature readers/friends/etc.) Well. None of you are 34...maybe close, but you know what I'm saying...arggh. But it was funny. I’m not really mad... it was funny.
Oh...and I Aced my sex exam...in 10 minutes. Tiffany says I'm officially a sexpert, and should change my major...I'll post (and edit) more when I get to work. Lates.

.: posted by Princess Portia 9:07 AM

Monday, March 03, 2003

ahhhh

Let there be peace on Earth! And let it begin with me! My weekend was way more unproductive than it was supposed to be. It was still great though. I've developed a love for boxing. Whathisface that is now the heavyweight champion man kicks hella booty. Not to mention he's sexy (aside from the bad skin) in clothes.

So I'm dropping this 20th century class like a hotpocket with the boiling sauce leaking out. This ish just isn't going to cut it. It's not that the material is too hard, it's just that he managed to pick and choose every single piece of literature, music, and art that I have absolutely no interest in. How the hell am I supposed to write a 2200 word personal response on 2-4 works that did nothing for me? I'm not talking they just bored me...I've come to terms with the fact that I won't enjoy every piece of literature that I encounter in my college career, but I'm talking straight up makes me nauseous it's so uninteresting. The crap he had us read wasn't even uninteresting in an abstract sort of way...it was cut and dry dull. And my head was about to explode.(Hush!) So, Professor Johnson will not be graced with the presence of Portia or her 2200 personal (b.s.) response this or any future Monday nights. Woohoo! I feel so at peace with this decision, too! Not to mention that I abhor Monday night classes. Almost as much as any 8 a.m. class that isn't my sex class. Oh yeah...I have a test in there (again) tomorrow. Time for more studying! Heh, heh, heh. So now I can go to the gym tonight, do a little bit of writing for my Shakespeare essays, and chill.

I kind of wish I had reached this class-dropping revelation Friday afternoon. Would have saved me from doing some strange things to avoid this paper over the weekend. I'm talking multiple trips to the produce market 3 miles from my house, 2 pedicures, I relaxed and wrapped my hair, did my eyebrows, naired my arms, took 3 baths, slept away from home, made jello shots, gave Penelope a bath, re-alphabetized my in-house CD case, organized my bar, etc., etc., etc.... Yes, it was that deep. I know that if I stayed quiet and still for too long, I would feel bad about my paper-avoidance, and start working on it. Well really, my procrastination blood flows freely, so I probably still wouldn't have done too much on it. I even took a nap, went to the eye doctor, got my pupils dilated (can't sit in front of the PC with dilated pupils!), and cooked for a friends potluck.

I love my optometrist. (Is that the doctor one, or the one that fits you for glasses? I'm referring to the actual Dr.). He's so smart and funny. And he cares about my eyes. That’s love right there.

So my glasses will be ready for pick up in two weeks. Reading glasses...I'm excited! They had these really wonderful Kenneth Cole one's, but they weren't on the free rack, so I went with the smart girl Elizabeth Ardens. They're cute. And I'll still have my entire cute/fake smart but not really glasses. But I'll talk more about this glasses thing later.

So yeah, overall, not a bad weekend, not bad at all. Refreshing like a cool, crisp glass of arbor mist on a steamy summer afternoon. That's brisk baby! Jigga Wha? I don't know...I just wanted to type it.

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:05 PM

Friday, February 28, 2003

Consistently Inconsistent

I think I slept, but I feel like I didn't. It's another dark, rainy, day here, and I should be home in bed. If I would have known at the beginning of the week, what I know now, I wouldn't have come in Thursday and Friday instead of Monday and Tuesday. Grr. Stupid hindsight. I would have loved to sleep in...

I wanted to post about all of the lovely inconsistencies in my world, but I'm too tired. That's a shame when you're too tired to type. I should have gone to yoga yesterday, but no, Miss Portia forgot.


12:36 p.m...

I started this post at like 9 this morning..I was going to wait until I was finsihed posting..but then I'll forget and not post anything...so I will no longer hold this pointless post hostage...

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:37 PM

Thursday, February 27, 2003

"Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." -From the whiteboard of some girl I work with.

.: posted by Princess Portia 6:00 PM

rainy day...

I can't wait to go home... get me out of this place...


8:46 p.m.

Ok...I'm home, but not for long. Whoo that Maxwell Sumthin' Sumthin' Mellow Smooth Mix is lovely. That's a great song to listen to on the way home from work. Top that off with some D'Angelo "Untitled" as your cell phone ring, and you're just straight calmed down. I hate when I get so busy that I don't eat. I really, really, do. I don't want to be "that girl." Not that I'm anywhere near "that girl" status...but still. You know what I'm saying. So I think today was a bad day, but as I sit here and listen to my lovely Kazaa "Should be Scrumping Songs" playlist, I can't remember. I wonder if my mom cooked...I have to pass by there on the way to my destination...hmmm. So I'm tring reall yhard not to think about this stupid papaer I have to spend my weekend working on...but I printed out so many copies of the essay question that it's everywhere! In my bathroom, on the fridge, at my computer, at my desk at work...everywhere. Yes...Portia loves the trees....really, I do. Hey listen...never make a dirty martini with sweet vermouth. It's just wrong. It tastes like those evil, disgusting, rancid, butter pickles. I hate those things with a passionless passion. Who eats those? Pickles are supposed to be deliciously tangy and tart...not like they were rolled around in margarine with sugar on top. Blech. Strange.

Ok...I'm off to shower then go drive around in circles...or soemthing closely resembling it. Congrats on making it through this absolutely pointless post. I'll correct the typos manana. Lates!

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:27 PM

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

really now...

I don't know if I find myself having so much to post about now because subconsciously I'm trying to make up for being a scrub and not posting for a while or what, but here I am again. During my absence there were a lot of interesting things that I forgot to post about. One is that I met Emeril. Don't get too thrilled...it wasn't all that I expected, and the food at his new restaurant Tchoup-Chop sucks. (Though I love the name!) So that's all I have to say about that. I just figured that it was something I should let folks in on, since my love for the man has been mentioned on multiple occasions. Anyhoo...that's all I have to say on that right there. The day is improving as time passes. Before I know it, it'll be 6, and I can vacate these premises. At least my building. The treadmill is calling me... I've got to go see what it wants. So my raise isn't mountain moving, but I didn't know what to expect, so it's cool. (2.5%). What's that? Like 4 cents? Ha! But I get another one in 6 months, and what I'm making now is enough to feed da needy...so it's all good in my quasi-hood.

I'm sure I'll be back...time has slowed down again...

.: posted by Princess Portia 2:46 PM

sleepyhead

I just realized the potential for a misinterpretation of my title. And you know what? I don't care. Ha!

*Yawn... I'm tired today. I never knew that not working could be so freaking exhausting.

My house is officially completely clean and organized. It's amazing what actually drove me to do it. The little things in which I find inspiration always amaze me. Well...not little, but you know... seemingly insignificant. I'm kind of having anxiety regarding this weekend. I feel like there's something I'm supposed to be doing (besides working on a 7 page personal response essay), but I can't seem to think of what it is. I've run out of calendar pages in my planner, so I'm a total mess. I have no sense of daily direction without my tasks written down in pretty colors. I wonder how many appointments I've missed. I need a secretary. And a maid. I've been seriously considering having a maid come in bi-weekly or monthly just to take care of everything I've overlooked. That'll be like having my mom come clean up though... I'll feel like I need to hide all of the paraphernalia. (And I’m not talking drugs, girl!) Seriously though, I would just hate for someone (besides Tiffany or a family member) to see my mess.
So I find out how much of a raise I get today. Humph. I'm not going to get all enthused, but hopefully it'll be a noticeable increase...Penelope needs a new pair of shoes. Speaking of Penelope, she's 2 now, so I can let her get some and make me lots of cute Chihuahua babies. I'm afraid that it will change her temperament though, and I'd hate her to turn into the stereotypical aaangry Chihuahua. And I'm too lazy (and cheap) to go through the whole stud services, breeding, and taking care of a pregnant dog drama.

Speaking of drama... I have none right now. Imagine that! (Let's see how long this lasts). I keep running into people I would rather not, and my personal trainer refuses to be my impersonal trainer...so I've just been doing whatever at the gym to avoid him. Seriously though, he's a cool cat, but I would rather have him as a friend. I can't carry all of the luggage he comes with. And people think I have issues.

On a completely different note...I think I'm going to have to start morphing into a bland, sugarcoating, politically-correct-sense-of-humor-having being. Things that I say that are clearly meant as jokes aren't always interpreted that way. And I'm not talking about misinterpretations from strangers, I'm referring to those close to me, that have been around me for ages, and know how I operate. Either my words become harsher after I say them too often, or people become more sensitive as time passes. I don't know, but to avoid the confusion, I'll just bite my tongue. It'll be easier than having to apologize repeatedly for someone's misinterpretation of something I said. (I wouldn't apologize for actually saying it, since it was never meant to do harm). But yeah, that sucks just a little bit. Oh well, you do what you have to do to avoid hurting those you love.

On a lighter note, my reality television addiction must be handled. My thumbs hurt from pressing "redial" on my home phone, and "talk, speaker, and end" on my cell phone for two hours straight. Something just isn't right about that.

I was in such a good mood this morning, now I'm a little perturbed. Not angry, not sad, not mad, not annoyed, not pissy just perturbed. Better yet, mildly irked. I wonder if I've ever come with the pseudo-drama first thing in the morning. Probably...but I think when I did it, my intention truly was to throw off someone's day. In general, when I'm down, I don't feel the need to bring someone down with me. Maybe it's unhealthy suppression, but if someone I cared about said/did something that bothered me, that deep down I know it only bothered me because I was having a moment of self doubt, I would wait an evaluate those bad feelings...do some personal inventory, make sure that it really was them and not me before I brought it up to them. You know, why throw off their good mood because of a moment of self-doubt? Granted, if this person is close to you, of course they'll understand and want to be supportive and encourage you in your moment of self-doubt, but I just thin kit's kind of selfish. This is a broad analogy, but it's like telling a guy you think you're pregnant before you've even taken a pregnancy test to confirm/deny your suspicions. That's causing unnecessary stress/anxiety for them, before the source of it is even confirmed. Feel me? This is not to say that you shouldn't be comfortable expressing your "concerns" with those close to you, but if those concerns (or potential concerns) involve things that you know would effect them, look within (or wherever you need to look , depending on the issue) to make sure that the issue truly is an issue. And if you know the person your concerns potentially involve well, evaluate the issue using pre-established facts. If you know that doing something such as that which is referenced in the concern would be completely out of character when it comes to you, think about that.

I know this is all probably sounding really strange and vague, but just had to vent. It sucks to be misunderstood by those that you think understand you best. Such is life, and this is truly a miniscule issue that I should not blow out of proportion. So with that, I'm spent.

.: posted by Princess Portia 9:23 AM

Monday, February 24, 2003

when you do...

You know who I absolutely adore? The little EBAY man! (From the commercials). His tour je'te's (sp?) are awesome. Little dancing men make me smile. Did I post this weekend? It's sad that I have to ask. I'm getting old man...the memory is seriously fading. My buddy katie made a cute quiz...check it out: Good times man, good times. Today was a quiet day. Only because I stayed home. I didn't get much sleep last night, (Sunday), so I got off (heh) to a slow start today. You won't hear me complain though. It was all for a good...very good...great..cause. Whoooo... yeah it was. So tonight I'll probably just take a meditation bath and go to bed. I don't know if I'm hungry... if I do end up eating...george forman it is!

So I didn't watch all of the Grammys (remember, I was out contributing to this good cause...[wink, wink...nudge, nudge]) but I see that my girl Norah Jones racked up. And India.Arie won an award that she definitely deserved. I sometimes get a little disgruntled when I think of the state of musical affairs in our world today, so this was very refreshing. Refreshing...I think that was the word of the month, I've been saying it a lot lately. Hmm. Interesting. I swear, there's a certain time of year when everyone that has ever called themselves "loving me" suddenly remembers my phone number and starts calling. I mean... I don't care, considering I'm referring to people that don't make my skin crawl w/the very thought of them. These are the ok folk. But still, it always catches me off guard. It's like blindsiding a QB. Or maybe not...whatevs...it had a nice ring to it. I've started regretting that I renewed for a year, rather than another 7 months. I need a bigger kitchen, and I've seen so many lovely apartments. But then I remember lavish, lovely kitchens equal exorbitant rent prices. Priorities, man. I've been so sleepy all day, so it's somewhat strange to me that now I'm just kind of laid-back, but not exhuasted like I was feeling in class. The wonders never cease. I have a test in my sex class (Human Sexual Development) tomorrow. Heh...I studied. My professor will be proud. Maybe I can qualify for exam exemption (I don't think they even have that anymore...but let a girl dream man!). But yeah...I haven't studied for it...but its sex...and reproductive organs...and porn. I know those things. Only problem I might encounter is if she asks the names of guest speakers. (Which those tricky, tricky, profs. always do in lecture classes). She actually took rool the otehr day... now there's like 600 people in this class...and she passed around a notepad. Who went through and read all of those names? Sucks to be her intern (when shes' not giving you free toys and porn on dvd).

You know what song I absolutely adore that I compeltely forgot about until one of the oldies called me last night? The Beegee's "How Deep Is Your Love?" Apparently N*Sync sang a dedication to them...old boy sang a dedication to me (that was our song...way way back in the young young days...heh). Needless to say, it's been downloaded. Have I mentioned my addiction to Kazaa? It's hard to stop. AndI never think of one song at once...it's the devil...but it's so wonderful. Almost instant gratification (thanks Roadrunner!). Wonderful.

Well lovely folks...I'm off to Wal-Mart (have to avoid K-Mart until the stalkers stalkisms wear off...and it's closer too! Grrr....) to get some pretty girl products. Ciao!

Oooh, one more thing...thanks to kazaa (and Tiffany for helping me think of songs to DL as I slowly make my PC's stock plummet) for reaffirming my 112 love. That first album was no joke...it's a "get you in trouble LP." Ok..I'm leaving now...for real...

.: posted by Princess Portia 8:34 PM

Sunday, February 23, 2003

and time...
Saturday is over...in about 31 hours I have to arrive at work. This is depressing. Weekends should be 4 days. I have a test in my Monday night class, and I have absolutely no idea what is going to be covered. Funm huh? I'm sleepy, but I don't feel like going to sleep. Everything turned out cool with the Lasagna. Unfortunately, my legs ache from standing in the kitchen for about 4 hours. I'll be o.k. though...I'm young...smart...a work of art. Sorry..I was fishing for a rhyme...not a compliment. You know... nevermind. Goodnight. Hope time moved slower for you throughout your weekend...

.: posted by Princess Portia 12:46 AM

Friday, February 21, 2003

still drenched

Sooo...when was the last time you were given the silent treatment? Especially over some ambiguous shit? Welcome to my world...people either kick ass, but are invisible and unpredictable...or they're highly visible (and unattractive) and nauseatingly predictable. What the hell happened to happy mediums? (And why am I always having to ask that?) Don't you hate when someone is pissed at you, and you don't know why...and you actually CARE to know why, but clearly they don't? No? Ok then...maybe it's just me. All this ish aside...I had a kick ass night with The Hookas Hooka K (congrats on your engagement!) and Hooka E. Romano's Italian Grille is so much more fun with tiratini's and table wine...Hookas...thanks for a kick ass Friday. But yeah, refreshing and suprisingly fun! Even though my tiratini "ironically" had more chocolate. What was up with that? Oh well... good times...adorable newbie/friend of the hookas waiters...85% strong drinks...what else is there? Oh yeah...the drive home :o/

But yeah...I'm spent...hope everyone else had a great night!

.: posted by Princess Portia 11:14 PM

you like?

Ok, so it's not like a total rehaul or anything..but it's enough to satisfy my A.D.D. If only I could get rid of this purple text. I'm still working on that. I'm rusty on the codes, and now I have a headache.

So it's Friday. Oh joy. I will be sleeping and cooking for another fundraiser this weekend. I'm doing lasagna again. For about 75/80 people. Fun, fun, fun! I feel a cold or something coming on...hopefully I can fight it off. Today has been a quiet day, none of my online chit chat folks were available...so I read. oops...time to go home...I'll finishthis later!

.: posted by Princess Portia 5:32 PM